My local supermarket has been refitted and a map is now needed to find everyday items as the whole layout has changed completely. Although the store is now lighter and brighter, some of the product ranges have been decreased (such as CD’s), others have been merged with totally unrelated products and the rest are much the same. What has changed though is some of the prices. Bags of apples have risen by 30p this week, pasta sauce has gone up by 10p and so on and so forth. One area of concern is the help yourself coffee machine which has appeared. How long will it be before a child is scalded when bumping into a cup carrier, or else someone slips on spilled coffee in the aisles? Not sure this has been thought out very thoroughly. The fuel station also had a makeover and (surprise surprise) the price per litre increased by 2p. I am sure most of us would rather have kept the old style store and the old prices as food is expensive enough without us having to pay for the updated image. I can hardly wait until the local vandals realise that the new trolley parks are made from wood...............bonfire night all year round methinks.
I was invited to undergo a mammogram as part of a scheme to reduce the age when women are first offered one so I turned up at the appointed time unsure what to expect. The rather brusque woman checked my details and ushered me into a teeny tiny changing cubicle where I was instructed to strip to the waist then put my coat back on to keep warm. Okay then, managed that, although the limited space available required me to sit down during the process. I am glad I am not one of Europe’s fattest women (as we British women have been classified) otherwise I would have had to use the corridor. Anyway, I then moved through to the machine room for the big event........”Right arm up, left arm at your side, just going to squash you and compress.......it might feel uncomfortable for a moment............”. Uncomfortable????? Uncomfortable????? She was having a laugh................ Imagine if you will, being stuck in the elevator doors by your most sensitive nether regions just as the elevator starts to, well, elevate and you will get the idea. Four times this delightful experience happened and each time was more painful than the last – the compressions were so tight that the veins in the back of my hands stood out. Somehow I think the lady had previously taken up pottery and mistook my boobs for clay that needed to be pummelled into shape. I jokingly said I would await the bruises appearing only to be told that doesn’t happen. She has obviously not come across me before as I do bruise easily and there is a definite blue blob on view now. The results will be sent in the post within three weeks unless they need to re-do it in which case they will telephone me. I sincerely hope today’s pictures will be sufficient and they won’t need to see me again for another three years (at which point I will remember to swallow two painkillers before setting out).
Progressive English...............what is all that about then? Apparently text talk and any old style of writing are now deemed to be acceptable at exam level. Spelling tests are a thing of the past in most schools but apparently being able to spell is no longer a requirement for English papers. For goodness sake.................these children will have to enter the workplace at some stage – what sort of image will they be presenting when filling in job applications? I can just imagine the entry for ‘previous experience’.........”Well I wuz wkg in the pub innit themz puntas lvd me like, n u no wot I mean like, so I’mz the 1 wot you need 4 the job innit”. It doesn’t bear thinking about really.
Tomorrow sees the start of December and I can open the first door on my advent calendar. This year I have one which is a tall townhouse with various windows to count down the days until Santa pays a visit (that is, if I actually decide what I would like him to bring). No chocolate one for me........I go with the traditional style, although as mine does not have any relevance to the nativity I am telling people it is in fact the headquarters of the Christian movement. It is a pretty cool design and certainly a lot less fiddly than the one from last year which involved building a house every day to add to a village scene. Just the question of what I would like Santa to shop for........at this rate the only thing he will be wrapping, labelling and depositing under the tree for me is a small bag of reindeer poo. I can almost hear his hearty “Ho, Ho, Ho” from here.
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