Crocuses, cuddlies and crocs

So far today I have had a wonderfully productive time – cheaper car insurance sorted out, tax bill paid ahead of the due date, MOT booked for next week, laundry done and just to round it all off there are crocuses blooming in my front and rear gardens.

It couldn’t last though..............the Post Office has come up trumps again..........although my Christmas mail mostly arrived on time (still no sign of the missing stuff from 2010), today I have received (wait for it) a Post Office credit card for an account I closed three years ago!!  Unbelievably they cannot deliver what is needed but can create something not wanted and certainly not asked for.  Needless to say I contacted the customer (lack of service) department and told them of their error and then let them listen to the plastic going through the shredder.  Job done!

Back to Zumba class this evening with a new daytime session on Friday.  I daresay tomorrow my muscles will feel the effect of any exertions but I have missed going over the Christmas closedown – that is not something I usually say about any form of exercise so it must be doing me good.  I keep trying to persuade my Mum to join in under the pretence that it will do her dodgy hip some good.  Somehow though she is unconvinced and is giving it a wide berth.  I do my best to assist her when we are out by holding her arm (a little firmly I have to admit – the odd bruise never did anyone any harm) to prevent her from falling over.  My efforts are unappreciated though and I have fallen foul of being whacked by her handbag more than once.

With the mild weather spell currently in the UK I feel compelled to sort out my garden in time for the spring planting of vegetable seeds and suchlike.  I have made a start by dead heading the winter pansies in the hope they will soon flower again, but there is a long way to go.  There is little point in digging the soil over yet or sowing any seeds as with my luck there will be a mega frost followed by two metres of snow and everything will be rendered useless.  I do hope my vegetables won’t fall foul of the white butterflies this year; surely they had their fill of my leaves last summer?  They can’t possibly need anything else to eat can they?  Perhaps a length of sticky fly trap paper in a grid formation around the plot might be a solution?  I will have to work out a cunning plan.

Sometime this year I plan to visit Edinburgh zoo and take a peek at the two pandas that have recently arrived from China.  On looking up the opening times online I was amazed to discover that in order to view the bamboo loving cuddlies there is a necessity to pre-purchase timed entry tickets.  They are currently not taking any bookings beyond the end of this month.  What on earth is all that about then?  Another example of total bonkersness (I like that word, must use it more often – certainly have the opportunity to) displayed within the UK.  The last time I saw pandas was in Austria one month after a baby had been born......no timed queuing there, oh no.  The area was open to visitors as normal with a video link from the birthing den to the outside so we punters could see what was going on.  Why do we have to make things so difficult in this country?  What next?  Timed entry tickets to see the stars at night?  Sorry sir, you cannot look out of your window until 9pm and it is only 8:50pm.

There was an item on the news over the weekend showing some crazy fool of a tourist doing a bungee jump over the crocodile full Zambezi River and falling from a height into the water after the string broke.  Utter madness to even contemplate jumping off a bridge whether tethered securely or not (as in this case).  By some lucky chance she managed to survive to tell the tale and despite being covered in bruises, appears to be none the worse for the experience.  Somehow I guess she will be able to dine out for quite some time on the back of this story, although I am presuming crocodile steak will not be on the menu.

Wind, drunk people and the collapse of society

Another day of extreme weather conditions in the UK and once again chaos ensued.  Admittedly the wind was gusting continually for around five hours which in turn brought trees down, roofs were peeled away from buildings and at least one person was killed by falling debris, but as a nation we never seem to be able to cope with any type of weather condition whatsoever.   I have never seen rain like it though...........it was horizontal and as it hit my garage doors it doubled back on itself and looked like a large wave at the seaside.  I swear I spotted Toto from the Wizard of Oz hurtling past in his basket.  Despite all the drama outdoors, my friends celebrated the safe arrival of their son so something good did come out of the day after all.

On my return home on new year’s eve I had to pass along a high street with around six pubs, all of which were kicking out for the night.  The total ignorance by some of the revellers of the prospect of motor vehicles being near them was incredible.  One scantily clad, rather the worse for wear female sauntered across in front of me without a thought for anything other than joining her drinking buddies on the other side of the street.  Had I not been driving very slowly and keeping my wits about me she would have become a bonnet mascot (albeit sitting at a very jaunty angle as she was struggling to remain upright).  I fail to understand the attraction of spending oodles of money getting bladdered, run the risk of getting killed then spend the night in the bathroom (or slumped in a doorway) feeling rather the worse for wear.  Bonkers if you ask me............okay, I am teetotal and have no objection to people enjoying a social drink, but why do some people have to take it to the extreme?  In any case how do they afford to do it night after night?

Four days into the new year and I have already lost count of the number of murders in the UK reported by the media.  What has happened to our once great nation that makes it acceptable to kill a person instead of resolving issues?  The once bustling and safe cities now have no go areas; young and old people are afraid to venture outside; violence is a way of life passed down from generation to generation; thieving is an acceptable way to feed and clothe families and anyone who dares to confront the undesirables is either battered or laughed at.  Why do people from all walks of the community feel a need to carry knives in the same way the rest of us pick up our car keys and mobile ‘phones before we walk out of the door?  I find it disturbing to hear primary school children make a joke about carrying a knife when they get to secondary school as apparently it is ‘cool and everyone else will be doing it’............for goodness sake, what sort of society is being created?  So many parents say their child is unaffected by the various games they play on their wide range of consoles, but I beg to differ.  In these games the characters can be ‘killed’ but often reappear later in the game thereby giving children a warped sense of reality and they presume if someone is killed in real life they will soon be up and running around again.  Would you let your 7 year old watch adult movies? No...........well why buy them a 15 or 18 years rated game?  Something needs to be done fast in this country to reverse the current downward spiral we are on.  Let us all do our bit to put the GREAT back into Great Britain.........it is long overdue.

Either that, or will the last person to leave please turn the light off?

A new year, over-eating and Skype

Well then, here we are in 2012, year of the London Olympics and Paralympics, Chinese Year of the Dragon and very probably the year when the UK economy reaches the same state as that of the Greek folk.

Christmas in my world was eventful for various reasons.  On the plus side there was no snow to trudge through in order to visit people, Santa delivered some lovely gifts (and was very tidy as he crept around the place, no footprints on the carpet or reindeer droppings anywhere) and my parents conservatory didn’t fall down.  Just as well really as in a week or two the whole lot has to be rebuilt due to shoddy workmanship four years ago prior to them buying the house. 

Christmas morning went well, the dinner table was groaning under the weight of enough food to feed an advancing army of emaciated foot soldiers and the table presents caused much amusement (a walking monkey clashing a set of cymbals and a shark eating a swimmer).  We sat down as a family in the evening and played Pictionary..............this always causes hours of laughter, bizarre sketching and even stranger guesswork and this time was no exception. 

From then on the week went rather downhill.  First of all my Mum took ill having eaten too much too fast at lunchtime and was poorly for the next few days.  My Dad spent two days looking after her and on the Tuesday decided it would be a good idea to snack on some sausages which had been sitting on the kitchen worktop since Christmas lunch...............not his best ever idea as he was then laid up for several days.  The doctor paid a house call, prescribed anti-dizzy-head pills and fresh sausages and fortunately they appear to be on the mend.

Onward to new year’s eve and the spectacular fireworks display in central London.  This year the Big Ben tower had explosives shooting out from the clock area forming spectacular sparkling clusters of bright lights.  When Guy Fawkes and his chums tried to do the same thing back in the day, they were arrested and given a thousand lines.  Just shows how times have changed.

Following the festivities I finally got organised using Skype to chat to my friend and her family in southern China.  Mari has been living in the Far East for ten years now and although we email and chat on the ‘phone we have never got around to Skyping...............until now!  What an amazing tool the internet is and we are determined to do this regularly.

My Christmas decorations are down and put away for another year well ahead of twelfth night.  Much as I love to have a tree indoors and cards decorating the doors and frames of my hallway, it is a good feeling to get back to some semblance of normality again and be able to vacuum without brushing against the tree then emerging covered in needles looking like an eco-friendly hedgehog.

Apparently one in four British people is obese..........only one in four?  Looking around a local town I would put the numbers higher than that.  However, with the amount of chocolates, biscuits and other sweet stuff I was given for Christmas it will be nothing short of a miracle if I don’t join their ranks.  Two Zumba classes a week for me now...............one on a Friday morning which allows me to eat chocolate over the weekend and one on a Monday evening to burn it off again.  I think this is an acceptable arrangement but only time will tell.

Happy new year to you all.................I hope 2012 brings all you wish for (although the wish for the winning lottery numbers has already been reserved by me, sorry).

Carols, choirs and railways

Here we are, three days before Christmas and the weather has turned sub-tropical.  This time last year the outside world was a foot deep in snow with chaos on the roads and outdoor retailers making a fortune selling winter weather gear.  This year however the sun is brightly shining, the daffodils are poking through and I am even dressed today minus my trusty vest (which is usually tucked into my pants to prevent a draught up my back).

Of course this crazy mixed up weather sort of confuses some of my favourite Christmas carols, in particular “In The Bleak Midwinter” – no frosty wind making moan here, just the bah humbugs around us who carrying on making moan day in and day out.  None of this “’tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la, la la la la” for them.

Last week I went to a local school carol service and joined in with the singing and jollities.  The church was filled to capacity and the choir performed as well as any group of festive singers you might see on the television (albeit it a rare event to have any religious programmes screened).  There is always the obligatory loud and off-key member of the congregation singing their heart out, but despite all the smirks and embarrassed looks from others around them they carry on regardless.  This is all part of the Christmas experience and I wouldn’t have it any other way (although why the loud and off-key singers always seem to stand next to me is one of life’s great wonders).  Every December I intend to attend more such events but time always seems to creep away before I have managed to fit any in.

By some miracle the post office have managed to deliver virtually all my post this festive season although last year’s missing items have yet to materialise.  I resorted to writing to the head of the Royal Mail, she conducted an immediate investigation into my issues and I eventually received a reply from my local sorting office.  I had to chuckle as they enclosed a copy of a letter they had written to me three weeks previously which unfortunately had not been delivered..........I despair of the whole thing and can hardly wait for the proposed price increases to come into force next year.

Talking of price increases, the rail costs are about to rocket again.  As a seasoned traveller who has taken trains extensively around Europe and some parts of the USA, I am always impressed with the standard of service, timekeeping and cleanliness of their rolling stock.  The prices are far cheaper than we are forced to pay and the service abroad is far superior.  Where are we going wrong?  Why does it cost so much in this country to travel short distances?  Why are there so many price options instead of just one fare to one place?  I journeyed from Interlaken in Switzerland via Zurich to Milan in Italy for around £9..............no wonder people in the UK choose to drive rather than use public transport (although with the price of fuel rising almost daily, driving is becoming a luxury means of moving around).

I have booked my holiday for 2012 already............the day the snow hit last week seemed like to opportune moment to sort out some sunshine to look forward to.  Viva l’Espaῆa, here I come with my bucket, spade and knotted hanky.

As I conclude my pre-Christmas epistle my thoughts turn to the big day itself and how it all seems to get out of hand each year with people stressing about every last detail and spending money they don’t really have in order to ensure that there is a pile of goodies under the tree.  Far better to treat it as a time to get together with family and friends over the course of a few days, have some food, play games, catch up on each other’s news and generally chill out.  Don’t worry about the presents for the tree..................that is what Santa is for, why else would he load up his sleigh and take to the skies during what is generally a very chilly time of year?

Merry Christmas to all my regular readers, hope the festive season is all you wish it to be.

Trees, snow and wind

December is well and truly upon us now.  My Christmas tree is looking splendid bedecked in twinkling lights and Shaun the Sheep is firmly positioned on the tree top looking down at the chaos around my room during a typical working day with under fives in the house.  The tree buying expedition took me to a nearby town where I looked at the selection on offer in two DIY chains followed by a local garden centre (where I needed to sell my right arm to afford their cut off tree tops).  I finally went to a local Christmas Fayre (pronounced fay-ruh) and bought one from a local entrepreneur.  He even knocked a few quid off as it wasn’t quite as bushy as his others.  It looks good and the cat seems impressed as it smells of the outdoors.  In years gone by I have obtained the festive tree from travelling folk in pub car parks, cash only, no returns, and always stacked on a trailer for an easy escape when tipped off by the lookout.  Okay, so the tree needles drew blood and the wood was, shall we say, “warm”, but I do like a bargain!

The first snowfall of the season has occurred although it didn’t settle too much and was icy and slushy rather than suitable for skiing..................  This does not detract from the fact that snow is not supposed to be anywhere than at the top of a mountain in a foreign country and most certainly not within a 400 mile radius of me thank you very much.

My area is due to have around four inches of snow tonight which does not bode well for the busy weekend I have planned.  Regular readers will know how once the snow hits the hill I live on that it is near impossible to get the car off the drive and head out anywhere.  At this rate I will be hitching a lift with Santa just to see sights other than a snow covered town.  The only benefit the white stuff will have is in lighting up the streets where the council have turned off the streetlamps this year.

I was caught out again the other afternoon in gale force winds which just about blew my eyelashes inside out.  We are becoming more used to extremes of weather in the UK and these strong winds, although not quite along the lines of the hurricanes and tornadoes suffered in other places around the world, are enough to cause travel delays, damage to buildings and general mayhem.  Those of us with unruly hair do not relish these 65mph gusts...............I returned from the school run looking like Worzel Gummidge’s elderly aunt.  Not a good look.

Festive lighting, business cards and Dorothy

With December upon us there are many festive lights and assorted garden statues appearing locally, Christmas trees are being decorated and the town centre is bedecked in lights attached to the streetlights (funny how they can find money for them but not for lighting to keep us all safe).  The local Round Table started their charity collections last week and I was delighted to see Santa on his float travelling past my house waving frantically at all the householders.  I was rather excited by this and gladly dropped all my loose change into the collection pots.

However, the very same evening saw the start of the season where the youth element find it funny to knock on the door and sprint over the totally dark field opposite in the hope that they won’t be caught.  The local police want to be informed of these occurrences so I duly rang it in and within minutes there was a patrol car outside and the officers went to have a look for the perpetrators.  No luck unfortunately but they did pop in to let me know what they are doing about antisocial behaviour and left a business card with contact details on.  I used this opportunity launch into a list of my annoyances and concerns including the irresponsible drivers who use the wrong side of the road outside my house, the man who let his young child steer his car along the road...............and so it went on.  I did mention that perhaps land mines along the driveway might be a deterrent and I wasn’t told that I couldn’t implement this strategy...............  The officers were receptive to my concerns and bravely revisited me two days later with another business card with a job number on (they also quoted a list of the calls I have made this year to the control centre......).  I am hoping to collect a full deck of these cards and am awaiting a Christmas card and invitation to their staff dance.

Talking of Christmas cards, I opt to make my own these days as the shop bought ones are either boring, unrelated to Christmas or just downright obscene.  I do not need to see a picture of Santa using a chimney as a toilet thank you very much, nor do I wish to run the risk of buying cards the same as everyone else.  The real meaning of Christmas has been buried in the commercialism that now surrounds the day, nativity plays are being replaced with ‘school productions’ and decorative street lighting has been renamed ‘festival lighting’ so as not to offend people from other faiths.  In my experience, people from all faiths do something to mark Christmas in the same way that non-Hindus celebrate Diwali with fireworks and Indian food.  Christian religious programmes whether on the television or radio are virtually non-existent...............is it any wonder that a whole generation of children is growing up thinking that Jesus is a character from EastEnders and the three wise men present the Formula One coverage on BBC1?

With Christmas television schedules usually showing a stack of timeless classics such as Mary Poppins, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, The Sound of Music and so on I always have the urge to sing along to the cheery songs, act out one or two of the characters and generally join in.  One of my favourite films is the Wizard of Oz (although I was in my late thirties before I realised the characters actually played two roles in the film), however the way the gale force winds have been battering the country this week I actually feel like I am on the film set with the leaves swirling about and houses taking off...............well perhaps not that bit, but it is windy enough for the odd shed or two to be relocated into another garden.  I can just see myself as Dorothy, I know all her lines, I could put up with wearing the gingham dress (for a reasonable fee) and I have bizarre dreams every night (such as the baboons that live happily in my loft side by side with a group of owls) – I am made for the part.

Can’t stop, need to polish up my red shoes for when Hollywood comes calling.

BBC, queuing and champagne amusement

Regular readers will know of my love for motor sport and how the British Grand Prix is on my planner year after year with tickets bought for the following year around four hours after the current race has finished.  The television coverage over the years has been variable with advert breaks during ITV’s contract and lots of pre-race chat from the three stooges over the past few years when the BBC screened the events.  Incidentally, did you know David Coulthard moisturises his face in the pit lane prior to being filmed (I have photos of this!)?  Anyway, I digress...........from 2012 the BBC have sold out half the races to Sky therefore we loyal viewers on terrestrial television will only be able to watch 10 races live with highlights of the others later in the day (by which time the results will have been bandied about and there will be no surprises).  Bizarrely the first two races of the season fall into the highlights category which seems strange as certainly the Australian GP is always a big event by virtue of kicking off the season.  I got rid of Sky some time ago as there is little point in paying for far too many repeat and frankly crap channels showing everything from football matches in the 1970’s to shows demonstrating how to cover a loo roll in glitter.

I am left with two choices, either to put up with the BBC’s lack of coverage (which of course as a television licence payer I had expected to be able to watch all races live) or re-subscribe to Sky at an extortionate rate for their sports channel.  A third option of course would be to follow the racing around the world but unless I win a substantial amount on the Lotto this will remain a dream (perhaps I could write to McLaren and say I should travel with them based on the amount of money I have spent on their merchandise over the past few years?  Hmmm, there’s a thought).  Whichever option I decide upon will not be a satisfactory result.  What amazed me was the BBC claimed they wanted to reduce the F1 coverage to concentrate on other major sporting events such as the 2012 Olympics..............on looking at the F1 and Olympic calendars, only one F1 race is during the Olympics as August is the drivers rest month.  You couldn’t make it up.

Perhaps the TV licence should be based on only paying for what you actually watch?  In that case I would only be paying for the motor sport as I cannot think of anything else I actually watch on the BBC.

The Christmas shopping silly season is in full swing and I have been on an expedition with my Mum to try and make some headway with the remaining gifts I need to buy.  We went to a local shopping village where despite there being around one hundred outlets to choose from, there was only one shop that had anything close to what was on the list.  We had more success on the way home when we called into a couple of other shops and I managed to choose two of my own gifts!  I love the element of surprise.  Highlight of the day was spotting a group of oriental folk at the village scurrying towards the shoe shops with large, empty suitcases to carry their goodies home in.  Having bumped into a friend who is from the local Exclusive Brethren community and hearing that they don’t celebrate Christmas (they have a family time week instead) I can see the sense behind belonging to an alternative branch of religion................no queues, no stress about getting the right gifts for the right people, a huge saving on postage...............the list goes on.  Having said that, I would miss the annual event of watching my Mum trying to make custard on Christmas Day after downing a couple of glasses of champagne.  Perhaps I will stick to tradition and join the queues a little earlier next year.  Ho, ho, ho!