Carols, choirs and railways

Here we are, three days before Christmas and the weather has turned sub-tropical.  This time last year the outside world was a foot deep in snow with chaos on the roads and outdoor retailers making a fortune selling winter weather gear.  This year however the sun is brightly shining, the daffodils are poking through and I am even dressed today minus my trusty vest (which is usually tucked into my pants to prevent a draught up my back).

Of course this crazy mixed up weather sort of confuses some of my favourite Christmas carols, in particular “In The Bleak Midwinter” – no frosty wind making moan here, just the bah humbugs around us who carrying on making moan day in and day out.  None of this “’tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la, la la la la” for them.

Last week I went to a local school carol service and joined in with the singing and jollities.  The church was filled to capacity and the choir performed as well as any group of festive singers you might see on the television (albeit it a rare event to have any religious programmes screened).  There is always the obligatory loud and off-key member of the congregation singing their heart out, but despite all the smirks and embarrassed looks from others around them they carry on regardless.  This is all part of the Christmas experience and I wouldn’t have it any other way (although why the loud and off-key singers always seem to stand next to me is one of life’s great wonders).  Every December I intend to attend more such events but time always seems to creep away before I have managed to fit any in.

By some miracle the post office have managed to deliver virtually all my post this festive season although last year’s missing items have yet to materialise.  I resorted to writing to the head of the Royal Mail, she conducted an immediate investigation into my issues and I eventually received a reply from my local sorting office.  I had to chuckle as they enclosed a copy of a letter they had written to me three weeks previously which unfortunately had not been delivered..........I despair of the whole thing and can hardly wait for the proposed price increases to come into force next year.

Talking of price increases, the rail costs are about to rocket again.  As a seasoned traveller who has taken trains extensively around Europe and some parts of the USA, I am always impressed with the standard of service, timekeeping and cleanliness of their rolling stock.  The prices are far cheaper than we are forced to pay and the service abroad is far superior.  Where are we going wrong?  Why does it cost so much in this country to travel short distances?  Why are there so many price options instead of just one fare to one place?  I journeyed from Interlaken in Switzerland via Zurich to Milan in Italy for around £9..............no wonder people in the UK choose to drive rather than use public transport (although with the price of fuel rising almost daily, driving is becoming a luxury means of moving around).

I have booked my holiday for 2012 already............the day the snow hit last week seemed like to opportune moment to sort out some sunshine to look forward to.  Viva l’Espaῆa, here I come with my bucket, spade and knotted hanky.

As I conclude my pre-Christmas epistle my thoughts turn to the big day itself and how it all seems to get out of hand each year with people stressing about every last detail and spending money they don’t really have in order to ensure that there is a pile of goodies under the tree.  Far better to treat it as a time to get together with family and friends over the course of a few days, have some food, play games, catch up on each other’s news and generally chill out.  Don’t worry about the presents for the tree..................that is what Santa is for, why else would he load up his sleigh and take to the skies during what is generally a very chilly time of year?

Merry Christmas to all my regular readers, hope the festive season is all you wish it to be.

Trees, snow and wind

December is well and truly upon us now.  My Christmas tree is looking splendid bedecked in twinkling lights and Shaun the Sheep is firmly positioned on the tree top looking down at the chaos around my room during a typical working day with under fives in the house.  The tree buying expedition took me to a nearby town where I looked at the selection on offer in two DIY chains followed by a local garden centre (where I needed to sell my right arm to afford their cut off tree tops).  I finally went to a local Christmas Fayre (pronounced fay-ruh) and bought one from a local entrepreneur.  He even knocked a few quid off as it wasn’t quite as bushy as his others.  It looks good and the cat seems impressed as it smells of the outdoors.  In years gone by I have obtained the festive tree from travelling folk in pub car parks, cash only, no returns, and always stacked on a trailer for an easy escape when tipped off by the lookout.  Okay, so the tree needles drew blood and the wood was, shall we say, “warm”, but I do like a bargain!

The first snowfall of the season has occurred although it didn’t settle too much and was icy and slushy rather than suitable for skiing..................  This does not detract from the fact that snow is not supposed to be anywhere than at the top of a mountain in a foreign country and most certainly not within a 400 mile radius of me thank you very much.

My area is due to have around four inches of snow tonight which does not bode well for the busy weekend I have planned.  Regular readers will know how once the snow hits the hill I live on that it is near impossible to get the car off the drive and head out anywhere.  At this rate I will be hitching a lift with Santa just to see sights other than a snow covered town.  The only benefit the white stuff will have is in lighting up the streets where the council have turned off the streetlamps this year.

I was caught out again the other afternoon in gale force winds which just about blew my eyelashes inside out.  We are becoming more used to extremes of weather in the UK and these strong winds, although not quite along the lines of the hurricanes and tornadoes suffered in other places around the world, are enough to cause travel delays, damage to buildings and general mayhem.  Those of us with unruly hair do not relish these 65mph gusts...............I returned from the school run looking like Worzel Gummidge’s elderly aunt.  Not a good look.

Festive lighting, business cards and Dorothy

With December upon us there are many festive lights and assorted garden statues appearing locally, Christmas trees are being decorated and the town centre is bedecked in lights attached to the streetlights (funny how they can find money for them but not for lighting to keep us all safe).  The local Round Table started their charity collections last week and I was delighted to see Santa on his float travelling past my house waving frantically at all the householders.  I was rather excited by this and gladly dropped all my loose change into the collection pots.

However, the very same evening saw the start of the season where the youth element find it funny to knock on the door and sprint over the totally dark field opposite in the hope that they won’t be caught.  The local police want to be informed of these occurrences so I duly rang it in and within minutes there was a patrol car outside and the officers went to have a look for the perpetrators.  No luck unfortunately but they did pop in to let me know what they are doing about antisocial behaviour and left a business card with contact details on.  I used this opportunity launch into a list of my annoyances and concerns including the irresponsible drivers who use the wrong side of the road outside my house, the man who let his young child steer his car along the road...............and so it went on.  I did mention that perhaps land mines along the driveway might be a deterrent and I wasn’t told that I couldn’t implement this strategy...............  The officers were receptive to my concerns and bravely revisited me two days later with another business card with a job number on (they also quoted a list of the calls I have made this year to the control centre......).  I am hoping to collect a full deck of these cards and am awaiting a Christmas card and invitation to their staff dance.

Talking of Christmas cards, I opt to make my own these days as the shop bought ones are either boring, unrelated to Christmas or just downright obscene.  I do not need to see a picture of Santa using a chimney as a toilet thank you very much, nor do I wish to run the risk of buying cards the same as everyone else.  The real meaning of Christmas has been buried in the commercialism that now surrounds the day, nativity plays are being replaced with ‘school productions’ and decorative street lighting has been renamed ‘festival lighting’ so as not to offend people from other faiths.  In my experience, people from all faiths do something to mark Christmas in the same way that non-Hindus celebrate Diwali with fireworks and Indian food.  Christian religious programmes whether on the television or radio are virtually non-existent...............is it any wonder that a whole generation of children is growing up thinking that Jesus is a character from EastEnders and the three wise men present the Formula One coverage on BBC1?

With Christmas television schedules usually showing a stack of timeless classics such as Mary Poppins, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, The Sound of Music and so on I always have the urge to sing along to the cheery songs, act out one or two of the characters and generally join in.  One of my favourite films is the Wizard of Oz (although I was in my late thirties before I realised the characters actually played two roles in the film), however the way the gale force winds have been battering the country this week I actually feel like I am on the film set with the leaves swirling about and houses taking off...............well perhaps not that bit, but it is windy enough for the odd shed or two to be relocated into another garden.  I can just see myself as Dorothy, I know all her lines, I could put up with wearing the gingham dress (for a reasonable fee) and I have bizarre dreams every night (such as the baboons that live happily in my loft side by side with a group of owls) – I am made for the part.

Can’t stop, need to polish up my red shoes for when Hollywood comes calling.

BBC, queuing and champagne amusement

Regular readers will know of my love for motor sport and how the British Grand Prix is on my planner year after year with tickets bought for the following year around four hours after the current race has finished.  The television coverage over the years has been variable with advert breaks during ITV’s contract and lots of pre-race chat from the three stooges over the past few years when the BBC screened the events.  Incidentally, did you know David Coulthard moisturises his face in the pit lane prior to being filmed (I have photos of this!)?  Anyway, I digress...........from 2012 the BBC have sold out half the races to Sky therefore we loyal viewers on terrestrial television will only be able to watch 10 races live with highlights of the others later in the day (by which time the results will have been bandied about and there will be no surprises).  Bizarrely the first two races of the season fall into the highlights category which seems strange as certainly the Australian GP is always a big event by virtue of kicking off the season.  I got rid of Sky some time ago as there is little point in paying for far too many repeat and frankly crap channels showing everything from football matches in the 1970’s to shows demonstrating how to cover a loo roll in glitter.

I am left with two choices, either to put up with the BBC’s lack of coverage (which of course as a television licence payer I had expected to be able to watch all races live) or re-subscribe to Sky at an extortionate rate for their sports channel.  A third option of course would be to follow the racing around the world but unless I win a substantial amount on the Lotto this will remain a dream (perhaps I could write to McLaren and say I should travel with them based on the amount of money I have spent on their merchandise over the past few years?  Hmmm, there’s a thought).  Whichever option I decide upon will not be a satisfactory result.  What amazed me was the BBC claimed they wanted to reduce the F1 coverage to concentrate on other major sporting events such as the 2012 Olympics..............on looking at the F1 and Olympic calendars, only one F1 race is during the Olympics as August is the drivers rest month.  You couldn’t make it up.

Perhaps the TV licence should be based on only paying for what you actually watch?  In that case I would only be paying for the motor sport as I cannot think of anything else I actually watch on the BBC.

The Christmas shopping silly season is in full swing and I have been on an expedition with my Mum to try and make some headway with the remaining gifts I need to buy.  We went to a local shopping village where despite there being around one hundred outlets to choose from, there was only one shop that had anything close to what was on the list.  We had more success on the way home when we called into a couple of other shops and I managed to choose two of my own gifts!  I love the element of surprise.  Highlight of the day was spotting a group of oriental folk at the village scurrying towards the shoe shops with large, empty suitcases to carry their goodies home in.  Having bumped into a friend who is from the local Exclusive Brethren community and hearing that they don’t celebrate Christmas (they have a family time week instead) I can see the sense behind belonging to an alternative branch of religion................no queues, no stress about getting the right gifts for the right people, a huge saving on postage...............the list goes on.  Having said that, I would miss the annual event of watching my Mum trying to make custard on Christmas Day after downing a couple of glasses of champagne.  Perhaps I will stick to tradition and join the queues a little earlier next year.  Ho, ho, ho!

Refits, odd English and Santa

My local supermarket has been refitted and a map is now needed to find everyday items as the whole layout has changed completely.  Although the store is now lighter and brighter, some of the product ranges have been decreased (such as CD’s), others have been merged with totally unrelated products and the rest are much the same.  What has changed though is some of the prices.  Bags of apples have risen by 30p this week, pasta sauce has gone up by 10p and so on and so forth.  One area of concern is the help yourself coffee machine which has appeared.  How long will it be before a child is scalded when bumping into a cup carrier, or else someone slips on spilled coffee in the aisles?  Not sure this has been thought out very thoroughly.  The fuel station also had a makeover and (surprise surprise) the price per litre increased by 2p.  I am sure most of us would rather have kept the old style store and the old prices as food is expensive enough without us having to pay for the updated image.  I can hardly wait until the local vandals realise that the new trolley parks are made from wood...............bonfire night all year round methinks.

I was invited to undergo a mammogram as part of a scheme to reduce the age when women are first offered one so I turned up at the appointed time unsure what to expect.  The rather brusque woman checked my details and ushered me into a teeny tiny changing cubicle where I was instructed to strip to the waist then put my coat back on to keep warm.  Okay then, managed that, although the limited space available required me to sit down during the process.  I am glad I am not one of Europe’s fattest women (as we British women have been classified) otherwise I would have had to use the corridor.  Anyway, I then moved through to the machine room for the big event........”Right arm up, left arm at your side, just going to squash you and compress.......it might feel uncomfortable for a moment............”.  Uncomfortable?????  Uncomfortable?????  She was having a laugh................  Imagine if you will, being stuck in the elevator doors by your most sensitive nether regions just as the elevator starts to, well, elevate and you will get the idea.  Four times this delightful experience happened and each time was more painful than the last – the compressions were so tight that the veins in the back of my hands stood out.   Somehow I think the lady had previously taken up pottery and mistook my boobs for clay that needed to be pummelled into shape.  I jokingly said I would await the bruises appearing only to be told that doesn’t happen.  She has obviously not come across me before as I do bruise easily and there is a definite blue blob on view now.  The results will be sent in the post within three weeks unless they need to re-do it in which case they will telephone me.  I sincerely hope today’s pictures will be sufficient and they won’t need to see me again for another three years (at which point I will remember to swallow two painkillers before setting out).

Progressive English...............what is all that about then?  Apparently text talk and any old style of writing are now deemed to be acceptable at exam level.  Spelling tests are a thing of the past in most schools but apparently being able to spell is no longer a requirement for English papers.  For goodness sake.................these children will have to enter the workplace at some stage – what sort of image will they be presenting when filling in job applications?  I can just imagine the entry for ‘previous experience’.........”Well I wuz wkg in the pub innit themz puntas lvd me like, n u no wot I mean like, so I’mz the 1 wot you need 4 the job innit”.  It doesn’t bear thinking about really.

Tomorrow sees the start of December and I can open the first door on my advent calendar.  This year I have one which is a tall townhouse with various windows to count down the days until Santa pays a visit (that is, if I actually decide what I would like him to bring).  No chocolate one for me........I go with the traditional style, although as mine does not have any relevance to the nativity I am telling people it is in fact the headquarters of the Christian movement.  It is a pretty cool design and certainly a lot less fiddly than the one from last year which involved building a house every day to add to a village scene.  Just the question of what I would like Santa to shop for........at this rate the only thing he will be wrapping, labelling and  depositing under the tree for me is a small bag of reindeer poo.  I can almost hear his hearty “Ho, Ho, Ho” from here.

Bad drivers, those above the law and chav TV

I am constantly amazed at the bad driving I witness on a daily basis.  I do not claim to be faultless myself on the road and will also admit to having parked on yellow lines on occasion, however.........having nearly been wiped out last week by a bus driver I cannot comprehend how some people have actually got away with it for so long.  This particular bus driver chose not to use a roundabout, but instead drove straight over it diagonally, and furthermore took it upon himself to rewrite the right of way rules (me being on his right).  He eventually stopped his charabanc literally a whisker away from the entire side of my car – I am just glad I was stationery at the time otherwise the outcome could have been so much worse.  Needless to say I contacted his company and reported the incident, although a week later and I have yet to receive a follow up call or letter.

Later the same evening and along the same stretch of road, some hoodlum had the bright idea of shining a laser pen at me as I approached.  Fortunately the beam bounced off the floor into my face so reduced the effect a little.  I reported this to the local police and cannot fault their response; they even telephoned me first thing the following morning to check my vision was not affected.

Outside my house there is a traffic island and a bend in the road designed to slow down traffic.  However, all day long people find it acceptable to drive on the wrong side of the road to save a nanosecond of time.  It is an accident waiting to happen and is not confined to local residents but also delivery drivers, parcel trucks, post office vans and even the refuse collectors.  Stop it you eejits, you are out of order.

By far the worst type of bad practice on the roads that I encounter every time I do the school run is parents who don’t give a toss about their children’s safety.  By this I mean those parents who either think it is perfectly okay to let their youngsters travel unrestrained in the car, or worse still, standing up between the front seats.  For goodness sake, back in the 1970’s this was common practice as safety standards were non-existent, but today not only are we aware of the risks it is also AGAINST THE LAW.  School car parks are not exempt from bad driving either.  I recall an incident a couple of years ago where I reversed out of a parking spot in a local school.  I had checked my mirrors to make sure the area was clear and was reversing slowly when.............BANG!  My rear bumper made contact with the bull bars on a Range Rover.  I checked the (securely strapped in) children in my car were alright then got out to see if there was any damage.  Considering I was travelling slowly I still ended up with a large dent in the car due to the bull bars and the speed at which the woman had appeared.  The crowning moment was her reaction “You made me call the wrong number........” Errrrmm hello you ignorant woman, it is against the law to use the phone when travelling.  Why do some people believe they are above the law?

I caught an episode of the Jeremy Kyle show recently..........or Chav TV as it should be known.  I quite like JK and what he tries to do for folk but where on earth does he get his guests from?  Sadly the clientele show all that is bad in Britain today and quite frankly social services should be on standby to place the children from these dregs of society into loving homes.  The amount of young women who appear on the show for DNA testing on their children to prove paternity is shocking.  There are often three or four potential fathers................it appears to be normal practice.  I know JK is getting well paid for his show, but listening to the excuses, lies and general nonsense spouting forth from the mouths of the participants must be depressing after a while.  The shouting and bad attitude between the guests makes Eastenders appear to be full of happy-go-lucky families.  Is Britain the only nation to have such a pool of degenerates or is it just that we like to wash our dirty tracksuits in public?

More misinformation, x-rays and differences

Following on from the cancellation of my appointment by British Gas and their subsequent text confirming the same appointment seven hours after it should have happened (are you keeping up?), I received two emails three days after the cancelled date confirming they would be attending at the original time.....................absolutely brilliant.  Gawd ‘elp them guv’nor they can’t help it.  Even more bizarrely I then received a telephone call a few days later to say the engineer would be calling that afternoon.  The boiler has now been serviced and all the radiators are working, even the one in the hallway which has not had any heat in it for three years.  Excellent location of this one.............right by the front door so I can now keep callers warm when they are outside on the step.

Perhaps they are in league with the post office as yet again the deliveries in my area have become sporadic.  A friend spoke to the local sorting office in town last week as she was urgently awaiting some parcels containing essential products for her business only to be told there were 250 parcels awaiting sorting but no staff to do it!  So many complaints were subsequently received that there was a special parcel delivery service on Sunday morning.  None of this bodes well for the Christmas chaos.

The whole world has gone strange as I received a text last Friday reminding me of a GP’s appointment for the following day.  This would have been really helpful if I had actually made an appointment in the first place.  I called the surgery and discovered the appointment was with a different GP to my own and nobody could tell me who had made the booking.  Could be a case of mistaken identity I suppose, although the address they quoted was mine.  Reminds me of some years ago when I was having a series of appointments at a hospital local to where I was living.  I had been several times, seen seven different consultants and been given seven different diagnoses.  I was sent for a knee x-ray and after waiting well after the appointed time I was told I could go as they had my film in the file.  Hmmmmm.................okay then, can I just have a look as I have not had the x-ray yet?  Turned out they had put a knee x-ray in my file for someone with the same date of birth as me but with a different name and their left knee had been x-rayed whereas I was having my right one done.  You couldn’t make it up.

Last week I was at the wedding of my godson and his new wife.  It was a great day out and provided an opportunity to have a good chat to people I had not seen for a while.  The registrar caused some amusement when he got the bride’s name wrong several times as it had been misspelt on his order of service.  Eventually all was rectified and the happy couple completed their vows, signed the register and posed for their photos.  I do feel I have aged a lot though as it cannot be possible that the little chap I used to take to the safari park is all grown up and married with a little girl of his own.  Where have the years gone?

I read a book over the weekend written by a friend of almost thirty years standing which tells her life story from childhood until the present day.  Nothing unusual in this you might think, however my friend was born in the wrong body and has undergone gender reassignment surgery to correct this and enable her to live the rest of her life as she knows she should.  It has not been an easy process as she had to tell her family and friends and deal with the fallout from that.  Sadly people who are ‘different’ in any way are still ridiculed, whether their ‘difference’ is race, religion, sexuality, disability, hair colour.............the list goes on and on.  Before making fun of people or being downright rude and insulting to them, we should all take a look in the mirror and check out our own imperfections.  What gives anyone the right to judge themselves better than someone else?  Everyone should be respected for who they are and not what they look like.  We should embrace people’s ‘differences’ and learn from each other.  Perhaps then the world would be a more harmonious and peaceful place in which to live.