Spain, pain and rain

Back from two weeks in the hot Spanish sunshine to reacquaint myself with the cold, wind and rain of England.  What joy.  The fortnight was great fun and kicked off when I woke up minus a rather large filling in my wisdom tooth (think half the tooth and you will get the idea) on the first morning away.  I don’t normally take painkillers on holiday but this time I had packed a couple of packs so eked them out over the two weeks...............some people might think that taking Panadol away for the first time was down to witchcraft, however I prefer to consider it forward planning.  Now I am back home I can’t get an appointment to have the gap plugged until November.  Ouch, ouch and thrice ouch.  I never did find the one that dropped out..............I guess it morphed into a midnight snack.

We saw plenty sights around Andalucia including some rather unpleasant female ones on the beach.  Good grief, in future please consider the feelings and sanity of the other beach visitors and  (a) do not wave your various body parts around for all to see; (b) wear clothing that is suitable for your age and body size; and (c) remove the brillo pads from under your arms and around the bikini line – the supermarket near the beach sells razors for this purpose.  Thank you.

The town we were staying near had a local fiesta towards the end of our stay which we went for a look at.  There was a fairground, all the children were dressed in traditional costumes, food and prize winning stalls were sited around the area and all in all the whole event was brilliant.  I have an aversion to fairground rides and will only go on the ghost train, so imagine my excitement when we found one!  We paid our three Euros each and hopped aboard ready to brush against fake cobwebs and hear ghostly whooooooo sounds...............hmmmm, the train in fact went around a circular track passing behind a board then back outside again several times, then did the same thing backwards before another couple of laps forwards!  No ghostly stuff at all, however it was so silly it was funny and well worth the financial outlay.

The locals had a celebratory church service then headed outside to carry on the theme.  This took the form of various flamenco teams dancing and singing in some sort of contest.  Contrary to the holiday brochures depicting such dancers, these ladies were generally over sixty years of age and some sadly were more pantomime dame than flamenco dancer, however it was fun to watch and certainly got all the watching tourists into the mood.

Local wildlife was in abundance around the villa and started with ants about an inch in length.  They scuttled about here and there before finally launching themselves into the pool and drowning.  Later in the week we met a large cricket, a lizard, some teeny tiny ants and some beetles.  Fortunately these were of the insect variety and not the musical Beatle species as had Sir Macca turned up then it would have been time to beat a hasty retreat back to Blighty.

I am currently sitting watching the great British weather at both ends of my house.  Out the front it is bright and sunny with blue skies, out the back the sky is black and about to rain.  Bizarre, and I have had enough of the cold weather already.  However, compared to the sight that greeted us on the run in to Malaga airport, we have it pretty good I suppose.  The area had been subjected to heavy flooding in the few days prior to our arrival and the land looked like a third world country with the amount of water and mud everywhere, crops ruined, villages under water and general chaos for those involved.  Once again I was reminded of how glad I am to live at the top of a hill (although the top of a hill in a hot and sunny country would be far preferable)........if I get flooded then the whole town will have already been submerged!

Adios amigos.

Fly on the wall, overpricing and special offers

Another week and another eye-opening fly on the wall television programme.  This time the cameras follow the emergency services in Blackpool and show what the crews have to deal with day and night.  The episode this week focused on young people..............well, what an entertaining bunch those featured turned out to be.  One 13 year old was arrested for head butting a police officer followed by swearing at him, which earned the lad a night in the cells.  The programme makers interviewed his mother who couldn’t understand why the police didn’t just bring him home “like they used to do to me at that age”.  Oh right then, that is totally acceptable.  Another woman (I use the term loosely) was arrested for prostituting herself under the pier in broad daylight with a group of young lads for a fiver “a broken fiver at that” she said.  This piece of loveliness claimed she didn’t think Blackpool is a family holiday resort – in fact she described it as a shit hole.  You can’t beat the education standards these days.  Chavs displaying their finest qualities – I feel sorry for the decent citizens of the town who have to live amongst these people.

Despite the poor weather this summer I seem to have a garden of triffid proportions which all need cutting and sorting before the autumn sets in.  How on earth can everything have grown so much without any sunshine?  The ground has been so wet over the past few months that I considered growing rice – I quite fancy standing in a paddy field to harvest my crop.  I made a start on the chopping at the weekend and have bizarrely given my Dad the go ahead to prune selected areas when I go on holiday.  Once more I will be trying to source some police tape to cordon off certain parts of the garden to try and prevent an unnecessary cull.............perhaps a local farmer has a spare length of electric fencing I could utilise?  Hmmm, must look into this further.

I had a reply from London Zoo in response to my email following the overpriced visit where the lack of main attraction animals was evident.  Apparently they have over 650 species on display, this includes hundreds of varieties of insects........who on earth wants to see these?  The response also states that “we do not advertise anywhere at all that we have these animals here at London Zoo”.....I beg to differ as the onsite maps around the zoo clearly show the camel and gorilla areas, neither of which were evident on the day of our visit.  The extortionate food prices are, apparently because “we do source our food from local, high quality suppliers and this does mean that this is reflected in the costs we charge our visitors”..........how can two sandwiches with not much in the way of fillings, two bags of crisps (branded, not locally made) and two bottles of soft drink cost over £14???  Sadly this is another place that is on the ‘do not bother to go again’ list.  The food prices at the zoo made Waitrose seem like a bargain store.

My parents are off to the Lake District for a short holiday with their wellies and umbrellas packed.  Plenty to see and do in the area and I daresay there will be a few amusing tales to tell when they return.  Twelve months ago my Mum couldn’t have entertained the idea of such an active trip but since her new hip was fitted there is no stopping her.  I am not entirely sure she will be scaling Scafell Pike but at least walking around the towns and doing some Christmas shopping should be okay. 

This week’s special offers via email...........a pack to help me stop smoking (bearing in mind I have never even tried a ciggie); the mobility scooter has made a reappearance; offers of payday loans with repayment rates in the thousands of percents; and finally, private healthcare – I guess this will come in handy for the vasectomy I was offered a couple of weeks ago.  I just love the total lack of research done prior to the send button being pressed on these messages.  I can hardly wait for the next crop to land in my inbox!

London, football and animals

What an amazing weekend at the Paralympics!!  Well in fact it was a weekend in London for the sport plus some sightseeing and with the 80 plus degree temperatures thrown in for good measure, two brilliant days were had.  First port of call was the Cutty Sark now that the burned bits have been scraped off and repainted.  I had been as a child but with the addition of a visitor exhibition it is a real crowd puller now.  However, the high entry fee was off-putting so we admired it from the outside and took a few photos.  From there we walked to the Greenwich Observatory (the hill was very long in the hot weather............) and stood either side of the Meridian Line (had to pay for the privilege of course).  After a reviving cake and bottle of pop we skipped down the hill and climbed aboard the driverless Docklands Light Railway to head to Stratford for the night.  I was really looking forward to a long hot bath to relax my muscles............however, we had been allocated a room with disabled facilities – no bath, just a floor level shower with no tray.  Hmmmm okay then, it was functional and obviously saves the maid a little time as the water flows across the floor thereby washing it, but I wanted to have a bath!!!

Anyhow, onto the main event, the Paralympics 7 a side football.  We were lucky enough to see Team GB beat the USA in the first game of the morning, followed by the Netherlands thrashing Argentina in the next game with a hat trick in the first 18 minutes.  Watching these guys playing quality football put the overpaid prima donnas of the Premier League to shame.  Each of the team members yesterday had some degree of impaired mobility but they played as a team; when they fell over they were straight back on their feet; they could actually do stuff with the ball like dribbling not just passing it from one to the other........the FA would do well to look at the high priced rubbish that is fielded every weekend and make some serious changes.  Sign up some of these chaps instead and the fans will see proper skills. 

When wandering around the vast shopping complex by the Olympic Park we kept running into athletes from many of the international teams buying souvenirs, having dinner or simply soaking up the atmosphere.  Everyone involved with running the event from the volunteers up to the armed services integrated with the public, little kids high fived the soldiers, people were smiling and joking...............what a great public relations display this was.  I wonder if the spirit of being nice will continue?

We took the Javelin train back to St Pancras on the high speed six minute trip from Stratford then made our way to Regent’s Park to visit London Zoo.  Having grown up in the London area, this was a favourite place to visit in the school holidays to see all the animals, have a picnic and learn about wildlife.  What a disappointment this visit turned out to be.  After being ripped off for the entrance fee (well it is Britain after all), in we went to see the usual main attractions at such a place.  However, there are now no elephants there (a zoo without elephants, what is that all about??), the many gorillas advertised as being on show were invisible either inside their area or in their outdoor enclosure (I am guessing they may have paddled across the moat surrounding their island and escaped over the fencing) and the camels were not being displayed as their current area is being remodelled to house the tigers.  That should be interesting if they forget to relocate the camels to an alternative place prior to moving the large stripy cats in.  An email has been sent to the zoo but I doubt anything very useful will come from it.

Good news though as I got home to find a letter from Silverstone with a refund for the parking fiasco at the grand prix this year plus a goodwill gesture for 10% off the price of tickets for next year.  As these have already been booked, the admin crew are arranging a refund cheque.  What a result..........perhaps I will be able to afford to head out to another London attraction now?

Carnival, the snip and Zanardi

Another couple of busy weeks have passed by..............I sometimes seem to be living in a whirlwind being blown from one place to another with no let up to pause for breath or to get any sleep!

Over the bank holiday weekend we headed to London for the family day at Notting Hill Carnival.  What a great event!  Having lived in the London area for 34 years, I had plenty opportunities to go but at the time it was often marred by high levels of crime and violence which was somewhat off putting.  In more recent years this has reduced a lot so off we went.  Anyone who doesn’t like very loud booming and bass based music would run a mile, but this just enhanced our experience.  Originally an exclusively West Indian event, the carnival has evolved to be a community project with all nationalities taking part.  The costumes were spectacular, the weather conditions very similar to the Caribbean and the streetside food and merchandise stalls plus a great atmosphere all contributed to a great (and free!!) day out.  Yes please for another visit.  How do I get to be part of the parade or travel on a float?

Regular readers of my witterings will recall how I am continually bombarded with offers of products aimed at more senior members of the community.  However, the spam mailers have excelled themselves now by offering me...............wait for it.................a vasectomy!  Actually I will hold off on that thanks as I am a bit busy at the moment, I have a couple of hours free next week if you can fit me in then.  Market research at its finest.

I am getting excited about my forthcoming trip to the Paralympics this weekend!  The weather is even due to be totally un-British with wall to wall sunshine and no rain forecast, hurrah!  The athletes from around the world have all shown great determination and talent in the various sports and I expect the football on Sunday will be no exception.  So many of the Team GB Paralympians are now household names and our medal total is creeping up on a daily basis.  I was particularly pleased to see that Alex Zanardi won gold in hand biking this week.  I used to watch him in his Formula 1 days and subsequent racing in other classes; however this was cut short when he lost his legs in a terrible racing accident.  Many people would have seen this as the end of their career, however within two years he was racing in Touring Cars, determined to carry on with life.  Absolutely bloody brilliant I say!

Having fancied something other than cereal today for breakfast I headed off to Tesco and purchased some juice and a pack of pain au chocolat (chocolate croissants in case anyone is confused).  Back home, I put two on the plate, settled down in front of breakfast television and took a bite.............never have I come across such hard and stale croissants.  They were impossible to eat and in fact I have the remainder of the packet contents ready to offer to the builders working around the corner in case they are short of a brick of two.  The best before date is still two days off.........these manky offerings have never had a best let alone a best before.  This only reinforces my continued preference to shopping in Aldi where the products are cheaper and far more palatable.  After all, most of mainland Europeans shop in Aldi, Lidl and Netto and they all thrive on it – they also save plenty money by doing so hence the influx of tourists to the UK (I bet they get a huge shock when they see the prices to get into our tourist attractions!).

Now on countdown to Spain, just need to count out all my saved two pound coins, bag them up and ask the lady at the bank to magically turn them into Euros!  Hopefully the forest fires from last week will be extinguished by then otherwise it might be a little tricky on the roads.

Mud, butterflies and festive times

Well then, here I am back from a brilliant festival weekend!  Loads of great music to listen to including the Levellers, Public Image Limited, Hobo Jones and the Junkyard Dogs, Inspiral Carpets (should be renamed Totally Uninspiring Carpets)............and many others.  The group of friends (old and new) that we were camping with formed a circular commune with our tents which added to the social atmosphere of our four days under canvas.  Once again there were many totally off the wall costumes to be seen around the site, hair colours that I am not sure would have washed out in time for folk to return to work this week and people wearing clothes that would be frowned upon if spotted in their local shopping centre.  I found a great pair of festival trousers in bright stripes with frilled trim around the knees..............think of an old fashioned bathing suit and you have the idea.

Despite forecasts earlier last week that predicted rain all weekend, fortunately we only had to endure this at the start, but oh Lordy, Lordy what a wet time that was.  From around 8pm the rain started and carried on until mid-morning the following day.  This was joined overnight by winds gusting so strong that I was expecting to be propelled, tent and all, into a whirlwind just like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz (regular readers will know that I actually want to be Dorothy and get to make the bad witch melt).  As a result, the site was very muddy for 36 hours, rather like wading through treacle, but it eventually solidified a bit and was easier underfoot.  Despite the weekend being great it was wonderful to arrive home and step under a hot shower and wash off the ingrained dirt that had accumulated about my person.  I emerged some time later smelling of lemons and fruity shampoo.  However the aroma of chemical toilets and cow pats will remain in my nose for some time before my brain switches them off!

I have tried hard this year to grow my usual crop of fruit and veg in the garden but it has mostly been washed out or shrivelled up.  However I was doing okay with the sprouts until the white butterflies came to town.................my three plants are now a mass of stalks without leaves.  All efforts to prevent this have failed – I have cut the buddleia flowers off, swatted the little winged critters and even tried to encourage the cat to come out of retirement and chase them but still they manage to sneak in and feast.  Looks like I will be buying my veg from the supermarket this winter.........I wonder if these butterflies are being sponsored by Waitrose?  Just a thought.

Here we are in the middle of August, the schools have another two weeks before they go back and already I have found a local shop selling tubes of sweets labelled as Christmas Treats.  In the name of all things holy (which of course Christmas is) why on earth do we need to have to be subjected to December products this early in the year?  Christmas cards and calendars for 2013 are already on sale in the nearest large town and as for the capital city...............I was informed by a friend a few weeks ago that there is already a winter scene complete with snowmen on display in one of the prime London tourist areas.  Who will join me in voting for a ban on Christmas products until mid-November?  The Americans get their Christmas merchandise out once Thanksgiving has been and gone – a far better way of doing things.

Earlier this year there was a very bad car accident in town involving several teenagers, some of whom sustained very serious injuries.  The cause has been established as the fault of the driver due to his misguided thinking that it was cool to show off his poor driving skills to his passengers and he has duly been given a custodial sentence and a lengthy driving ban.  There have been some vicious comments made around town and on social networking sites about the driver and whilst I can understand that people wish to express their anger and frustration, they have not spared a thought for the family involved.  The driver’s parents do not deserve to be blamed, they were not behind the wheel that night and they have had to endure months of gossip and finger pointing.  The driver was to blame, he has to live with the knowledge that it was only due to the skills of medics that he did not face manslaughter charges.  Had any of the passengers had their seatbelts on then undoubtedly their injuries would have been less extensive.  Hopefully this will serve as a timely warning to all drivers, young and old, of the necessity to (a) use seatbelts and (b) remember that just because you have passed a driving test does not give you the right to endanger your life or that of others.  I hope this will be the case but sadly I do not think it will.

 

Olympics, roundabouts and clipping

Can you hear that?  The brass band sounding out a happy tune.................the conservatory is finished!!! Declare a national holiday in celebration, issue children with commemorative mugs.......it is done!  Whoopee, only four months to get to this stage, but at last no more visits from the window people and their subbies are needed.

Well then, the Olympics far exceeded expectations right from the opening ceremony through to the final evening.  Team GB restored our faith in sports programmes and brought to the forefront many competitors who until two weeks ago we had never heard of.  Medal after medal was awarded and the whole country was excited to hear our National Anthem being played. Roll on Rio de Janeiro in 2016 where I fully expect a carnival theme to be the order of the day.  Our only flaw was wheeling out Macca yet again with his dodgy hair dye, failure to keep up with the pre-recorded lyrics and generally not really needing to be there.  Have you heard his current accent?  Part Scouse with a strong leaning of upmarket American?  For someone who bangs on about his roots so much (place not hair) he is doing his utmost to not sound like a Liverpudlian.

This weekend I am off to the Beautiful Days music festival, camping out for four nights with nowhere to plug in my straightners.  Last year we had glorious weather, however the forecast for the whole of this week is rain so I imagine wellies will be the order of the day for the entire time.  Not so much Beautiful Days as Muddy Days.  I have some funky new Doc Marten boots in patent red so I can alternate between them and the wellies.  No point really in packing crocs this year or the carpet slippers.

Worringly there appears to be a new trend in this area whereby drivers re-write the Highway Code.  A prime example of this was yesterday afternoon when I approached a roundabout and the oncoming driver failed to give way to the motorist on his left, i.e. me, despite my signalling my intention to turn.  Even worse, he did not even look to his right before carrying on across the painted white circle.  Perhaps he thought it was a decoration rather than a road marking?  Whatever, people need to wise up more to what is not only common sense but in fact a rule of the road.  A much larger local roundabout is in desperate need of weeding as the brick paviors on it have weeds around 12” high growing and forming a small forest.  To complete the look, there is now a buddleia tree in bloom from one of the cracks.  Looks pretty but shouldn’t really be there.

I have managed to get into the garden during lapses in the rain to commence the early pruning of shrubs and trees and have so far managed to make a little headway with the task.  I am now at the stage where I need shears rather than clippers; however the only shears I have access to come with my Dad attached.......... Regular readers will know he has a unique style of operating shears in my garden (think barren wasteland and you will get the idea) so I now have a dilemma.  Do I wait until he is away for a day, nip up the road and borrow them, or do I casually mention that a couple of areas need two inches lopping off?  The risk with this is I am likely to end up with a hedge at ankle height rather than chest level unless I stand guard whilst the chopping is happening.  Actually that is still a problem as I did it last time and when I turned away for literally two seconds...........whoops, the hedge was chopped down lower than agreed and of course had to be levelled.  I fully expect to return from the festival to a more open plan garden as I will have no control over my gardener whilst I am under canvas!  I will of course get my own back by ordering a goat and two sheep to live in my parents back garden.

This week I have been keeping an eye on the weather for the area of Spain I am visiting later in the year.  It is currently 37 degrees with weekend temperatures due to be 40 degrees........oh to have some of that here!  Roll on my trip, even though it will be a few degrees cooler by then it still beats our lousy summer.  Adios amigos.

Filling jugs, grafitti and skirting

Whilst watching a programme recently about hospitals, I was reminded of a medical test I had to carry out some years ago whilst living in my flat.  To cut a long story short, I was having tests for kidney function and one of the procedures was to carry out monitoring over a weekend of my fluid input and output.  Simple enough to do as I only drink bottled water so the input was easy to calculate, however the output was a little trickier.  Had I been a chap I could simply have re-used the water bottles, however being a girly I needed something, shall we say, a little larger to wee into.  I went out and bought a large Pyrex measuring jug and carried out the monitoring.  Job done, figures noted and given to the GP.  Despite scalding the jug several times after the final use, I could never quite bring myself to use it for foodstuffs.  I had no qualms though about leaving it for the tenants who subsequently rented the property from me when I moved out of the area.  Well the prospectus did say the flat was fully equipped.............

Last weekend I was back at Silverstone for the Classic Car racing event.  It was a great two days, the weather was hot and sunny (cue more sunburn) and the grandstands had plenty of covered space.  As usual, I witnessed many examples of blatant ignorance of basic health and safety sense on the circuit inner roads (being on private roads seems to make people take leave of rationality), some of the ‘best’ being..........three people on a moped (no helmets of course); more people sitting in small sports cars than there were seats for them; and four children stacked one behind the other in a single buggy.  In the evening we watched Adam Ant performing on stage at the event.......since his heyday he has had a range of psychological issues but even allowing for this, his appearance and act were far removed from how I remembered him – he even forgot the words to Prince Charming.  No longer the dandy highwayman we knew back then, such a shame really.

The school holidays have finally kicked in and with it has come a wave of antisocial behaviour from a group of young teens.  Many people one night this week were kept awake by shouting and high jinks well into the early hours, a local shop had an attempted break in and very drunken teens were vomiting, urinating and doing other unmentionables outside my friend’s house during the evening of the final day of term.  A group of teens spent the night sleeping outside the local leisure centre and as for the graffiti that has appeared on the walls of the same building plus on the front wall of an old folks residential flats, well all I can say is these kids should be in summer school to (a) learn how to spell and (b) be reminded that some words are simply unacceptable in society.  Where are the parents of all these children?  What do they think they are doing when out till late?  We were all teenagers once but certainly never got up to anything like we are seeing now.  Once again there is a demonstration that some people have no respect or sense of responsibility.  Fortunately I know many teens that are completely the opposite of these hoodlums and would never consider behaving in such a manner.

Breaking news.................the conservatory is due to be finished this week!!!  Yes, the skirting is being fitted (allegedly) tomorrow.  Bearing in mind this has gone on for four months now, I took on the task of chasing up the works.  I tried over the weekend to send a fax outlining our dissatisfaction but it wouldn’t go through.  On speaking to the company on Monday morning I was advised that they no longer accept incoming faxes.  Oh how helpful and why do they still have the number on business stationary?  It was like trying to raise the dead getting hold of the manager I needed and in fact I never did succeed, however he called my parents to confirm works will happen before the weekend.  It does actually remain to be seen whether this modern day miracle occurs but I have offered to erect bunting around the room in the event of a successful outcome.

As I have been typing, I have received an email from Eurostar advising me of the timetable for the ski train service!!!!! Hello, it is July, the sun is out, it is due to be 27 degrees by noon, what are you playing at??