Ducks, dentists and demons

I arrived home the other afternoon to find a card from the water board advising they had replaced my water meter (no explanation as to why, but I have previously had lengthy correspondence concerning the blatant way I am being overcharged, which of course they deny despite the evidence) with a helpline number to call in the unlikely event of a problem.  Off I went to use one of my loos, flushed it, and thought “hey ho, this cistern isn’t doing what it supposed to......” as it was making all sorts of gurgling sounds.  Within minutes, a stream of water to rival Victoria Falls was gushing from the overflow outside, creating a play area for passing waterfowl and making my new meter spin like a Catherine Wheel on bonfire night. 

Needless to say I rang the water board, spoke to a helpful lady who advised various ways to stop the problem, tried them, but to no avail.  She helpfully gave me a freephone number to call back on once I had carried out the actions.................hmmm.................no answer on the freephone line.  I decided instead to contact British Gas/DynoRod as I have a monthly scheme with them for heating and plumbing repairs.  I spoke to someone who I believe was in some shanty town in Mumbai, judging by the broken English and slight delay between each of us speaking, explained the problem but made the fatal mistake of saying that no disabled, elderly or very young person was residing here.  This resulted in being downgraded to a next day call out, anytime between 8 and 6 (oh how very helpful, just listen to my water bill stacking up here) and “de engineer he will telephoney you before he arrive to tell you when he arriving”.  Hmmmm, okay then...........what to do about the waterfall? Ah yes, disable the cistern by raising the ballcock (ooh err missus), thereby stopping the problem.

The following day I received a call mid morning from DynoRod’s office advising that the chap would be with me before 2pm.  Well ok, this was a better time than ‘between 8 and 6’, but meant I was confined to base in case he turned up in the five minutes it would take to nip out to the shop.  He arrived before lunch, yippee, but had left something vital at the depot.................his personality.  With all the charm of a surly teenager and the enthusiasm of a sputum collector in a tuberculosis ward, he listened to what the problem was and set to work.  After much banging, operating the toilet (more of my money literally being flushed away) and loud sighs emitting from the ensuite, he announced the job was done and he would fill out the paperwork.  Apparently he has fitted a new part in the cistern................of this I am unconvinced, as upon having a look after he left, all the parts are still covered in black mould and barnacles.  Not only that, he didn’t go to his van at all from start to finish and brought nothing into the house, not even a screwdriver let alone a toilet part.  To be fair the water seems to have abated and the ducks have relocated back to the lake but time will tell if it is a permanent repair.

Later the same afternoon I received a call from the manager of the dental practice currently messing me around with appointments.  I was advised that the second dentist I was due to see would now not be there on the date of my appointment, but........they have two more dentists starting work there and I would be allocated to one of them.  She helpfully informed me that they are both fully qualified.................well I should hope so if they are being let loose on the paying public.  The manager had a basic grasp of the facts previously communicated via the receptionist and by the time our call ended she had made a booking for me at a time to suit my requirements.  There is of course no guarantee this will materialise based on their previous record of cancellation and shifting me to other dentists.

I spent the weekend at Silverstone watching the classic car racing by day and musical entertainment by night.  The featured artists were 10cc and Suzi Quatro, both of whom put in cracking hour long sets, engaged the crowd and showed where a lot of the so called talent of today is going wrong.  Suzi was dressed in her trademark leather catsuit and in no way looked like mutton dressed as lamb – people of Britain take note.............she can carry it off, those of you over 30 cannot.

Finally, the death of Amy Winehouse has given rise to much discussion over her lifestyle choices, talent, appearance and choice of friends.  No doubt the media circus will carry on for some time yet as speculation about all aspects of her life are picked over with a fine toothcomb and newspapers come up with unsavoury headlines.  At the end of the day nothing can change the outcome............Amy is no longer here, her family have suffered the loss of their loved one in a very public fashion with no chance of a private funeral service.  The sight of her body being carried out to the undertakers van was tasteless newscasting without any concern for her family and genuine friends watching the television coverage.  An inevitable death or not?  Whatever you think, 27 is no age to pass away.  Rest in peace Ms Whitehouse, may your demons all be gone.

Teeth, missed delivery and kids with guns

In the world of ‘you couldn’t make it up’, I have had yet another ‘you couldn’t make it up’ moment.  As you regular readers are aware, I have been trying to get a reliable dentist sorted out and went for an assessment at another practice at the beginning of this month.  To recap, the dentist did the examination then announced he was leaving the practice.  I was subsequently allocated another dentist and booked an appointment for September.  Today I had a call from the practice, the transcript of which follows...............

Me:	“Hello.”
Receptionist	“Hi, is that Miss Davies?  This is ****** Dental Practice.  You have an appointment with Mrs ****** on 16th September.”
Me	“Yes, that is right.”
Receptionist	“Well she won’t be here that day so I need to re-book you.”
Me	“Oh, okay, but that date is the earliest I can do as I am a childminder and the school holidays have started now.  Can you also confirm that I won’t be charged for the visit as the dentist I saw previously knew he was leaving so I should never have been allocated to him?”
Receptionist	“Ummmmm, well I am not sure about that so I would need to check with the manager. Right, I have an appointment on 11th August at twenty past ten.”
Me	“I already told you that I can’t get there until September.  The appointment I had, had been for the day before I go away for two weeks.”
Receptionist	“Oh yes, sorry, you did tell me.  How about first thing on Thursday 22nd September.”
Me	“No..........that is when I am away.  I can’t come until the first Friday in October.”
Receptionist	“Oh I see, well I will need to go and speak to the dentist to try and book you in earlier and I will check about the charge for you.”
Me	“I have already told you more than once that I cannot come any earlier.”
Receptionist	“Right, yes, ummm, okay. Well I will come back to you later then, bye.”

At this point I was starting to question my own sanity.  Why is it so hard to get an appointment in the first place and also to get anyone with a degree of sensibility on the ‘phone?

More fun and games involving the Royal Mail this week.  I missed a delivery by three minutes and contacted the sorting office to ask them to get the driver to pop back as he could only have been a street or two away.  I was rudely informed that they no longer telephone the drivers in the van and that I would have to collect it myself from the sorting office.  I explained that this would involve walking there (no parking facilities) with six children (two in a buggy) and it wasn’t very helpful really.  The jobsworth said “Yeah, well, I guess you will have to” and hung up................ 

Most of the delivery people have the sense to either knock at the neighbours to leave a parcel or put it in the recycling box and pop a note through the door.  Sadly, no such though process is part of the Royal Mail’s remit.  Once again, I will be writing to complain, although my hopes of a reply let alone rectification of the matter are low. 

Meanwhile, I am trawling through Amazon.com to purchase a personality and have it delivered to the rude man at the sorting office (complete with picture instructions as he is clearly incapable of stringing a coherent sentence together so I presume reading has bypassed him too).

What is it about people these days encouraging their children to run amok with nerf guns, firing their bullets at people and passing cars?  I currently have a problem with about a dozen primary school kids gathering on my shared drive (with the horrid child from next door), then moving to the traffic island outside and firing the guns.  They also run in and out of the bushes and trees and fire bullet after bullet.  Some of these weapons are huge and the kids look menacing.  In the society we live in, what on earth makes it acceptable to encourage kids to play with guns?  This only glamorises gun crime and makes it look like fun.  Most of the kids bothering me and the other neighbours do not even live in this street.  Two in fact travel nearly quarter or a mile to get here.  Where are the responsible parents?  How do they know their children are safe when they cannot see them?  The child next door moves back home to the USA next week so hopefully the problem will resolve itself.  If not, they will be chased off my drive pretty sharpish. 

Jackpots, old girls and who hid the podium?

Jackpots, old girls and who hid the podium?

I had hoped to report my large Euromillions win this week, the £166,000,000 one.........however I won the princely sum of £2.90.  There was only one winner of the jackpot and they live in the UK, just sadly not at my address.  My parents do not appear to have been the big winners either, although I feel my Dad might be fibbing as I spotted him wheeling a barrow of gold bars along the high street earlier today.

I received an interesting email the other day from someone called Eterina.  On reading it, she thought she was writing to a man (okay, I can cope with that), rambled on about loving the UK and how she wanted to live and work here, then the crunch question................could I send her some money by transfer to pay for her flight from Belarus?  Errrrr that will be a no then.

Last weekend I was at Silverstone for the British Grand Prix weekend.  As usual it was a great event, however having paid £300 for my three day platinum pass I had expected to see the podium presentation.  The new building which was purpose built over the past year has been designed with the podium around the corner from the pit straight grandstand.  Ludicrous idea........we had to watch it on the screen in the same way as being at home.  I was not the only one to voice my displeasure and my letter of complaint about this and a couple of other items is on its way to the powers that be.  Having said that, tickets for 2012 have already been ordered in the hope that the situation will be rectified.

There is a school reunion being planned for the ‘old girls’ from my secondary school.  Most of us have not seen each other since at least 1979 so it will be interesting to see how we have all changed and what we have been up to over the years.  There are many other people to track down but for now we can have a small gathering and see if anyone knows where the others are.  Sadly, at least one of our class has passed away at too young an age.

I have been basking in the glorious July weather this week................not.  Why do I need to wear winter jumpers and boots at this time of year?  At least I am saving money on the water bill as the garden is getting plenty rain on it.  Perhaps by the time the clocks go back we will finally get some decent temperatures.  I can live in hope (with a warm woolly on).

Flames, a tank and barmy British weather

Welcome to another case of ‘you couldn’t make it up’.  Following my visit to the dentist last week and his announcement that he is leaving at the end of this month, I was called by the receptionist from the practice yesterday to let me know which lucky dentist has been allocated to me.  I have an appointment booked for September with her but, wait for it, the appointment is just an assessment to see what needs to be done.............. Hello????  Was this not what took place last week?  Can she not decipher the original notes?  Just let them try to charge me for another assessment.

My Mum turns 80 this week and we had a family lunch for her last weekend.  All went well, plenty of laughs and enough food to feed a small African nation.  The cake, however, was the highlight of the afternoon.  In keeping with her octogenarian status I purchased eighty candles and lined them up on the cake (in neat lines obviously to satisfy my OCD tendencies).  Upon lighting them (it took three of us to carry this out), it was impossible to get the matches to the more centrally placed candles as the heat generated from the others was intense.  As the breeze caught the flames they massed together, lit the central candles and produced a high pyramid of flame.  Fortunately Mum has short hair so managed to avoid turning into a Guy Fawkes effigy and did eventually blow them out having had several attempts fuelled with laughter.

Bizarre sight today at breakfast time.  An army tank on a trailer went past my front window.  No idea who was moving it, why it was in this town or where it was off to.  Needless to say the driver took the wrong side of the road around the traffic island to save two seconds travel time.  No wonder the armed forces are short of equipment when their tanks are hiding out in the market towns around the country.

The week ahead is due to be packed full with thundery showers, cloud cover and general mank.  Hmmmm, this should make the British Grand Prix interesting then..........what is the betting it rains the whole weekend there again and I get as wet as four years ago – that year there was such a bad weather pattern all weekend that the merchandise stands sold out of waterproof coats, which considering the cheapest start at around £80 isn’t bad going.  The new stand opposite the relocated pit lane has been built and it appears my row is above the fence line level which should give the opportunity to take some good photos.  Despite any adverse weather conditions, this is a superb event and one I look forward to year after year.  The tickets for 2012 will be booked as soon as available, which in generally within 24 hours of the current year’s race finishing.

Pruning, crowns and snack biscuits

Prior to my recent trip to France (the one where the eatery had a commanding view of the ambulance bay) I asked my Dad to trim the privet hedge in my back garden.  He is always desperate to get his hands on my shrubbery and after many two week vacations I have returned to find a once six foot high bush trimmed to within an inch of its life, with the assurance that it will grow back.  This trimming is repeated around the whole of the garden.  Anyway, I digress, so back to the current plot.

On looking out at my newly trimmed shrub two weeks ago I admired the level top on it and the neat sides.  Ah yes Dad, very impressive. Errrrrr hang on....................why is there is large space underneath?  Where have my three lavender plants gone?  The ones I have been tending for the past couple of months?  Upon further investigation it was revealed that dad had pulled up ‘the undergrowth’ as it was getting in his way.  I ended up rifling through the wheelie bin and retrieving said plants, two of which were still in the same formation as when they left their pots.  Dad said he remembered shaking the soil off something as we are not supposed to put it in the wheelie.......at this point I held up the third plant which only had the roots and a few flowers left on.  Ironically I had planted the lavender to replace the ‘undergrowth’ he had pulled up previously.........the ground cover plants I had been cultivating for five years.

Unfortunately this extreme pruning has passed down the line to me................I cut a tree/shrub thing last autumn literally down to the bare trunk and branches, not a leaf or flower head in sight.  It has totally grown back with amazing speed and is about to burst into the odd flower it produces.  The same cannot be said for the bay tree I remodelled, although it makes a very handy coat stand.

Tomorrow I am finally off to the new dental practice as they have not cancelled on me again (although there are still 16 hours until my appointment time).  This will make three surgeries I am registered with...............I am determined to find one that does the job quickly, efficiently and at a price to suit my meagre budget.

The next day.................!!

Right, off I toddled to the dentist, filled in the registration forms and went for a lie down in the chair.  Very pleasant chap had a poke around my teeth, lots of talking in code to the dental nurse, took seven x-rays then delivered his verdict.  I need a couple of crowns (apparently they are gold coloured so I expect to be mugged for them in my non-lit town) and a root canal.  No real surprises there then.  I told him that I couldn’t see him until September due to school holidays, and then he dropped the bombshell....................he leaves at the end of this month so someone else will have to carry out the drilling, filling and sticking on.  At least I am consistent...............this is the third dentist I have scared off.  Of course if I win the £136 million on the Euro Lottery later on then I will be having the lot done privately whilst lying on a Caribbean beach.

The dentist was followed by a vet visit for annual jabs (for the cat not me) and a weigh in.  The weight loss regime is going well and she has lost 400g.  As these biscuits have been so successful I will have to start snacking on them.

Off to put police tape around my shrubs as a deterrent to my Dad and his selection of clipping tools.