Tennis elbow, toothache and Tena lady

 

 

Life has been even busier than normal of late and I have not had the chance to sit in front of the laptop and create a blog post.  Days out, work commitments, mountains of paperwork and so on.  However, do not fear regular readers, I am back!

Following on from the flooding item in my last post, I had a visit from the local branch of the Jehovah’s Witnesses a couple of weeks back.  The lady who knocks every few weeks is very pleasant and chatty, usually brings her mother along for added entertainment, and we have a discussion about all sorts of issues whilst standing on the step.  I always take her Watchtower and the other publication, the name of which escapes me at present, as firstly it makes her day and secondly some of the bits are an interesting read.  I can’t proclaim to agree with a lot of the writings but people are free to believe what they like.  However, our conversation during this visit moved to a very British subject, the weather, and swiftly to the devastating floods over the past weeks around the country, particularly in Somerset.  According to the JW lady, had Jesus been alive today this would not have happened (she started quoting from the Bible about how He stopped the Sea of Galilee from flooding and drowning people) as he would not have allowed the houses to be built on the flood plains.  This to me implied that He would have been working in the Somerset County Council Planning Department (seems a little unlikely......how would he have fitted such a job around his preaching and miracles with food?).  I raised this idea with people from various other Christian denominations......after loud guffawing we agreed the concept to be a bit farfetched.  Actually I think He would be more useful at the food bank with a few loaves and fishes.  The townsfolk could be fully nourished for weeks.

I have spent the last week or so in the grip of another round of tennis elbow, fortunately not as severe as on previous occasions, but not ideal when I spend half the week having to lift toddlers.  Unless you have experienced this it is tricky to fully appreciate the pain......imagine a large bee stinging your arm around the bony bits every time you try to straighten the arm or bring your fingers and thumb together.  Not a good feeling and it makes everyday tasks harder e.g. changing gear in the car, using hair straightners, zipping pockets.......the list is endless.  Add into the mix my old adversary, chronic toothache caused by sinkholes appearing at random in various teeth, and you will understand why the shares in Panadol have rocketed.

Never mind, I am still receiving daily email offer to make my life easier........Tena Lady free samples, the walk in bath, SAGA this that and the other (I had no idea they had their fingers in so many pies), Viagra (great market research yet again) and the icing on the cake this month............an invitation to have a look inside my local care home.  Oh thank you for that.  Just because I can see it across the other side of the field from my house does not mean I am ready to move in there.

 

Last week I had the privilege of attending a celebration of life service for a local lady.  She passed away, unexpectedly, almost a month to the day prior to the service and only a week after I had met her in town as we were bustling around trying to beat the strong winds and get our various bits of shopping done.  The service was beautifully carried out and included amusing eulogies from her family which made the congregation laugh loudly.  The whole event was a very fitting tribute and the fact that people had to stand as the church was packed out showed how popular she was.  Over the years I knew her she was always caring, had time for a chat, asked about my other family members, knew every person by name as they walked through the surgery doors or if she met them in the street, and was the best person ever with a needle.......not once did she bruise me!  When I first registered with the surgery she was the person who did my initial health screening and the last time I had blood taken she was at the other end of the needle.

I always referred to her as “The Lovely Val” to her face and when talking to others about her, and this is how I will remember her.

 

Christmas, flooding and refunds

 

Into another year already, where did 2013 go to?  Now then, what has happened since my last episode?

Christmas has come and gone and passed off well, fairly quiet on the actual day itself, but we managed to avoid snow, ice, four day old sausages (regular readers will remember the events of two years ago) and overeating.  The television choice as usual was pretty bad and we spent some time watching ancient episodes of The Walton’s and Little House on The Prairie for some proper, wholesome, non-offensive family viewing.  Santa found his way to the tree and left some goodies.  He appreciated the carrots for his hoofed helpers but was less than impressed with the glass of water which I was instructed to leave him.  Apparently that was what he wanted, according to my parents as they filled a couple of sherry glasses to the brim and tucked in.  They were wrong; Santa wanted something a little more potent.

The television presenters and so-called experts are banging on about climate change being the reason we are experiencing flooding around the country.  I am sure that it has more to do with barmy council officials granting planning for houses and retail parks on flood plains, thereby taking away drainage that has been in place for many years and not creating sufficient new ditches, drains and soakaways.  Fortunately I have not been affected by flooding in this house.......just as well really as if I flood then the rest of the town will be like Atlantis seeing as how I live at the top of a hill.  More houses are about to be built near me so this non-flooding situation might change over the next year or two.

Before Christmas I purchased a new vacuum cleaner.  I looked online at a large retailer’s website, reserved it and collected it a few hours later.  On checking my receipt when I got home, I realised they had overcharged me by £80 so contacted the store and agreed to return later in the week to speak to the manager and get a refund.  Simple enough.......oh no.  I duly turned up with my receipt and a screenshot of the item with the price advertised only to be told that was incorrect and it had never been offered at that price, therefore a refund was out of the question.  Once I was fed up arguing the point with him, I guess he thought that was the end of the matter.  Silly man, he should have thought this one through.  I wrote and complained to his head office who replied stating that just because an item is reserved and collected the same day does not mean the price is the same.  They further listed all the price changes on this item over a short period of time.  Thanks very much for that, just what I needed for Trading Standards!  To cut a long story short, I had a refund for more than the difference between price advertised and price paid and Trading Standards are investigating the pricing anomalies on the company.  I also have a great vacuum cleaner.  Result!

My next mission is to have a proper sort out of every room in the house and see what I can unearth.  Rumour has it that a reward is still being offered for the capture of Lord Lucan.  I just may be able to claim this money by the end of this project..........

 

 

Miami, monsoons and medicines

Howdy y’all I am back from the trip to Florida and what a smashing time was had.  The flight over to Miami was fine then we queued for what seemed like an eternity to clear passport control.  Our officer (more Hank Hillbilly than officer) was far more entertaining than is normally encountered in the USA, he cracked jokes, smiled and actually I think he had probably relieved the monotony of his day by taking some controlled substance or other.  Anyway, having successfully been granted entry we headed to the dedicated area for car hire, filled out the forms and were told to report to area six where we could choose whatever car in the range we wanted!  Well this was a new experience as normally cars are pre-allocated so we hung around until one appeared that suited us and off we headed.  By now it was 6pm local time and negotiating Miami and its wonders was entertaining.......very unsavoury area near to the airport but we were soon on Interstate 75 and heading across state to our destination.  On route we stopped at a service station which turned out to be at the edge of the Seminole reservation and sampled our first pizza slice of the fortnight.  This was no UK slice, oh no.  Imagine an 18” pizza, quartered, and there you have it.  This was the first of three visits to this eatery and on the final airport bound trip we saw the resident large alligator staring out from the pond.  There was a sign on the chain link fence warning the public not to feed the reptile........amazingly the fencing was only on one short length of the pond and the alligator could easily climb out and go for a stroll.  Imagine returning to your car after using the foodery or restroom to be met by a knobbly creature with staring eyes at the side of your car....... I digress, so onward with the journey during which we drove through several electrical storms coupled with torrential rain.  We arrived at the holiday house after dark, switched the television on and the first programme to appear was classic British comedy “Keeping Up Appearances”.

Over the course of the two weeks we went out and about every day taking in the sights and visited several lovely beaches, a zoo where I hand fed a giraffe, shopping malls and the Seminole reservation museum to name but a few.  Prior to leaving the UK we had booked tickets and hotels for a couple of nights in Tampa and Orlando to visit Busch Gardens and SeaWorld.  Now then, we knew there would be daily tropical showers and this was acceptable most days.  What we (and indeed the American people) did not expect was the monsoon that arrived at the exact moment we located our hotel in Tampa.  The deluge started at midday on the Monday and was still going strong when we headed to Orlando the following day.  As a result we only saw half of the attractions at Busch and I was so wet (despite my very attractive waterproof poncho) that I resembled Worzel Gummidge in a burka.  Fortunately the weather improved for our SeaWorld day and I was able to stroke dolphins.  Phil declined the handling part and took photos of me hanging over the wall into the pool.......he was really pleased (or not) when one of the dolphins decided to include him and splashed its tail soaking him from head to foot.  Being a real trouper he managed to shield the camera so scored extra points for that.

The road-kill was rather different to back here........raccoons, turtles, various birds and best of all (well not for the creature obviously), the torso of an alligator being snacked on by a black vulture in the middle of the road!  We also spotted signs for a panther crossing area but sadly did not encounter any.

Apart from the giant pizza slices, every plate of food when eating out was way too big and as for the ‘small’ drinks, well they were 32 fl oz which is roughly two pints.  I brought a beaker home from one of the restaurants as I told the waiter nobody back here would believe me otherwise!  There is a huge (pardon the pun) obesity problem in the USA and this cannot be helped by the portion sizes, unlimited free refills of fizzy (full fat) drinks and drive in this that and the other.  Even pharmacies have drive in facilities.  Cut the portion sizes and get people walking more before the country starts sinking into the sea.

Medical adverts were plentiful on every television channel, with products covering everything from Type 2 diabetes to heart conditions.  The side effects advisories were longer than the advert for the products and included such gems as “should you take this product you may experience severe side effects such as reduced mobility and pancreatitis which could prove fatal....”  I will give that a miss then.  It is a wonder any of these items actually sell.

I previously mentioned that himself was planning to have a go at driving in the USA.......well, he did! Actually he waited until the final full day and announced he was going to drive around the circle of houses where we were staying.  He managed to get around, narrowly missed demolishing our mailbox then claimed “I have driven abroad.....” Hmmmm not quite what I class as driving in foreign parts but it is a start.

The time came to bid farewell to 90 odd degrees heat and 95% humidity and head back to Blighty.  Luckily we landed in reasonably warm weather for the UK in early autumn which softened the blow a bit.  I had no issue in either country with jet lag; however I did spend much of the first week back stalling the car around town as having got used to an automatic I kept forgetting to change gear.

Hey ho, first holiday for 2014 has already been booked.  Have a nice day!

 

New term. new furniture and new state

New term, new furniture and new state

What is that I can hear? Ah yes, the sound of silence as the schools have finally all gone back for the start of the new term.  No more squabbling over toy sharing, the electricity bill has dipped considerably without various electronic gadgets plugged in for charging and the water consumption has returned to normal now that toilet flushing has been reduced to a minimum.

My parents returned from their fortnight away in the north and reported surprisingly good weather for the time of year with only one wet day.  This was in complete contrast to last year’s trip when they were in danger of being washed away by flash flooding.  They returned home to a newly decorated lounge (courtesy of their wonderful daughter – that will be me then) and the new lounge furniture which I had managed to finally get Next to deliver.  It was four weeks late in arriving (sort of makes the word ‘Next’ a bit meaningless) although I did keep receiving calls and texts telling me it was ready to be delivered……on contacting the dispatch people it was apparent that only two out of the three items were available.  This went on and on until I told them that I had two days in which I could take delivery and there was no room for negotiation.  As if by magic the items were suddenly available.  Praise be, a miracle!

A couple of weekends ago we went to the MotoGP for the first time.  It was a totally different atmosphere to the F1 racing, and a shorter race, but the day was marvellous.  These bikers are a crazy bunch………the guy who qualified on pole position the previous day was riding around the track on Sunday morning when he managed to go tippy tumbles and land in the gravel.  He got up gingerly holding his left arm – as it happened, he had dislocated his left shoulder.  That would have smarted a little.  However, he was patched up, given a couple of aspirin and raced in the GP that afternoon, finishing second, having being overtaken on the last bend.  Perhaps the footballers should take heed of this and not have weeks away from kicking the pigs bladder around after they have tripped and broken a nail.

I am packed and ready to head off to Florida for a couple of weeks in the sunshine before winter sets in here.  I have not been to this state before so have been reading up on what there is to do.  Apparently there are thunderstorms every afternoon for a couple of hours so I guess an indoor spot to observe from is a sensible idea.  I contacted the travel company to enquire about upgrading their basic car hire insurance to automatically give me a second driver and a satnav.  Unbelievably I was quoted £462…….I don’t pay anywhere near this for a yearly policy on my car which includes business use and European cover.  After a few internet searches I have managed to hire a satnav for £50, arrange extra hire car cover for £50 and find out the hire car company will add an extra driver for around six dollars a day.  The villa we have hired does not come with a welcome food pack (unlike the James Villas properties we have previously used) so we will be looking out for a Wal-Mart en route from the airport to get some basics.  We are also making a saving on airport parking my using my brother’s drive and getting him to transport us to and from the terminal.  On this note, I reminded my younger sibling that I would be cashing in one of the airport trips he owes me……he appears to have early onset memory loss as apparently I have only dropped and/or collected him twice.  When I have time I will itemise each and every trip I have done for him, including arriving at 2 a.m. to collect him from home only to find he was still packing.

Toilets, a bath and stools

Well then, the music festival has been and gone and was as brilliant as ever.  Being considerably drier than last year added to the ambiance and I was able to wander around in Crocs for part of the weekend.  Highlights included watching Sinead O’Connor who put in a cracking performance and should have been the headline act that evening rather than Primal Scream.  This was in fact what I felt like letting out after their first couple of songs.  Their lead singer appeared to have a giant ants nest in his pants judging by the way he was scooting around the stage. There was the usual mix of quirky folk around and some interesting outfits and hairstyles.  Apart from the delights of the chemical toilets (don’t go there unless you really have to), my real bugbear was the deflating airbed – it started off fine but by every morning it was like sleeping on a pitta bread.

Most bizarre conversation of the weekend involved a festival goer reporting a concern to a paramedic.  He collared him to say he had seen two people unconscious in the main field having taken a variety of substances and a bottle of Jack Daniels.  Great community spirit I thought until he announced he had seen them two hours previously.....

My parents are on their annual jaunt north and I had a call this morning to advise me that the breakfast area of their hotel has a Christmas tree on display, fully decorated. It is August.....  At this rate the trees will be up all year round – in fact some people here leave their external lights up all year (albeit turned off) which I guess saves standing outside in subzero temperatures nearer to the festive season to decorate houses and outbuildings.

Over the bank holiday, we took a day trip over the border into Wales.  It was almost like being on holiday with all the dual language signage.  The only obvious difference was that we were travelling on the left and himself was behind the wheel.  He has yet to fully recover from the Paris experience but is building up to possibly driving in the USA with the reasoning that the car is automatic, the speed limit is slower and the roads are wider. We will wait and see (it could of course be my turn to scream and cuss).

The helpful emails offering me various products continue to flood in.  Current selections include a walk in bath (I am 50 not 90); the old favourite mobility scooter (could be handy for the school run and shopping); and a new one........alcohol rehab (I am teetotal).  Some cracking market research prior to making the offers.  I also had a brochure from a well known company offering me blinds for my non-existent conservatory.  Again, market research at its finest.

Last week my Dad decided to take a stroll to town on one of the hottest days but refused to take a bottle of water.  He did compromise and put a sunhat on although I don’t think any sun cream came out of the pot.  Anyhow, I went out and about doing other stuff and on the way home an hour or so later decided I would try to find him and give him a lift back.  He is easy to spot as he is always wearing a blue shirt and beige trousers (if he ever goes missing it will be easy to give a description) and I spotted him trudging up a hill carrying something large.  When I caught him up I saw he had a large three legged stool newly acquired from the local antique centre.  The reason for the purchase was so he could rest his feet on it in the evenings........okay then, this will go with the other three legged stool you already have in the conservatory then.  Hmmm.....at this point he offered to sell it to me for £10.  Thanks, but no thanks.  On reflection, he could have used it to take a rest on the way home that day and had he put his sunhat on the floor then people might have thought he was begging and thrown coins (or other objects) at him.  A more useful idea would be to keep it in the car and when thirsty, nip into the farmer’s field and milk a cow.

French quirkiness, pants and a reporter

Yes, it is me, I am back!  After my previous blog when I realised some time had passed since the last one, I vowed to get back on track with more regular postings.  However, I have had so little free time that it simply did not happen.

What have I been up to then? Well, to name a few events..........holiday in France, British Grand Prix, weekend in Bristol, visit to The Shard, extra celebration for my birthday, Kenilworth castle, Phil’s 50^th.................oh yes, and working long hours.  Life is crazy.

France was great fun from start to finish.  We headed to Le Mans for the 24 hour race and found our apart-hotel. Great, that was easy.  Checked in and was told that the underground car parking as advertised on the website did not exist and we had the choice of parking outside the accommodation for three hours at time, or use the free car park 500 metres down the road.  We opted for that and abandoned the car for three days.  Ah, the accommodation.......quirky to say the least!  The coffee machine had apparently left with the previous occupiers and we had to wait until the following day to get a kettle (although we were free to help ourselves to boiling water from the breakfast room and carry it through the building.......good old ignorance of health and safety).  Other features of the room included bare wires hanging out of the lights; a lounge style lampshade in the bathroom; the only chair was so broken there was no chance of being able to use it; the pole to pull the net curtain was not attached.......and so it went on.  By far the funniest thing was the cooking arrangement – the electrical hob was in the draining board of the sink adjacent to the tap.  Hmmm, water and electric not really a good mix.  We chose not to use the hob, another example of continental health and safety at its finest.

We had a good time at the race and only laughed a tiny bit (well a lot actually) when the flag people managed to hang the German flag for the winning team upside down on the flagpole.  It was not rectified either and appeared in the motoring magazines the following week.  From Le Mans we headed to Paris for a couple of nights.  As regular readers will know, I enjoy driving abroad and it is usually an easy way to get around.  We programmed the satnav and headed off on our journey.  Now then, this clever gadget was set to take us the quickest route to our destination and apparently this involved traversing through the centre of the city.  We didn’t realise this until we were actually there......ha ha, it was an entertaining experience.  I drove past many of the major tourist locations (some more than once), up the Champs Elysses, under the Arc de Triomphe and considered picking up a few Japanese visitors to add to the tour theme.  We had to negotiate an enormous junction in the city with traffic in multiple lanes in each direction all approaching from various angles as they saw fit, horns blaring and to top it all off there were cyclists and moped riders travelling up the middle of all the lanes.  Phil (not being at all keen on travelling on the wrong side of the road) was beside himself (actually he was beside me), shouting, swearing and stamping his feet. As soon as we got as far as the Arc de Triomphe I knew where I was and we soon found the hotel.  For the next couple of days we relied on public transport whilst Himself’s blood pressure returned to a more normal level.  Our time in Paris was fun and was followed by a trip to Le Touquet on the way home where we stayed in a hotel literally on the beach. 
The day we were due home coincided with my Dad’s day surgery for a hernia.  I was back in time to collect him and when Mum and I got to the hospital he was sitting up having his dinner and laughing.  The room he was in was the same as Mum took over last year for her hip surgery, spooky.  He looked particularly fetching in his hospital frock; the blue in the pattern suited his eyes.  By now he wanted to leave for home, just one more thing to do.............have a wee.  Now then, when someone has not had anything to drink for nearly 24 hours anything they then drink is absorbed directly into the tissues to rehydrate the body, therefore no wee is produced.  Some two hours later after two pots of tea, two jugs of water, some orange juice and much exertion in the bathroom, a bladder scan was done to discover it was empty!  However he was allowed to leave as he was well in himself and was the only patient left in the entire hospital.  The actual leaving process took longer than it needed to as Dad kept interrupting the nurse, making jokes and laughing about strange stuff (anaesthesia is a marvellous thing).  Once we were finally given the go ahead to escape, Dad’s parting gesture was to walk down the corridor with the surgery pants on his head (until he was spotted by Mum who was not impressed).  Bizarrely Dad was wondering why his scar area hurt two days later............Errrrmm that will be because you had abdominal surgery 48 hours ago.

I have been enjoying the spell of hot weather and for the first time since I was a child have been walking around wearing shorts in daylight hours.  So far nobody has reported being scared at the sight and people do not appear to be running for cover when my lily white legs are on show so I guess I will continue.

Going back a few weeks to when Lady Thatcher passed away, my Dad was approached in the street by a reporter from the local paper and asked what he thought about her death.  Fortunately he was a great supporter of hers and expressed his views accordingly, had his photograph taken and appeared in the edition that week.  I am only glad that the subject matter was not immigration otherwise we would have had to post bail and the time between my blogs would be even longer.

Storks, seniors and chilli

It has been a while since my last posting but life has been rather hectic (tell me something new...) and time has flown by.

Summer seems to have been and gone over the past week.  It was nice while it lasted, the smell of charcoal from the neighbours antisocial al fresco dining wafted through the open windows, lawnmowers could be heard from all directions.......and now we are back to winter jumpers and gloves.  I got my own back on the people over the back that had guests shouting in their garden late into the night on Sunday by starting my lawn cutting bright and early on Monday.  Karma is a good thing.

Himself and I had a week in the Portuguese sunshine last month and stayed in a palace of a villa.  It was easy to get lost inside as there were so many rooms!  As it turned out, the owner also owned the one next door and lived in another even larger one further down the street.  He was rumoured to have an interest in a local restaurant too as apparently he directs people there.  I guess he is one of the success stories in the country’s failing economy.  We visited several neighbouring towns and beaches, fortunately managed to avoid the English abroad (easily recognisable by their purpling burned skin, tattoos on display and general loudness) and came across some interesting creatures, the largest being nesting storks.  On the main road along the length of the Algarve several locals had set up stalls selling oranges to passers by, very reasonable prices and fresh looking fruit.  Interspaced with the stalls were prostitutes selling their own home produce at all hours of the day, however judging by the speed traffic was moving past them I doubt if they were doing much trade. 

This holiday followed shortly after I reached my half century.  I have decided it is just a number and does not mean I am old (despite having had a stack of tests over the past couple of months for arthritis and rheumatism).  Sadly, others seem to think otherwise and I have been offered a Saga brochure, the usual incontinence products and a viewing around a McCarthy Stone retirement flat.  The jewel in the crown came last weekend when we boarded a privately run train and the ticket man asked if we were adults or seniors..............Thank you for that.

I have finally set to and made a start on painting the bedroom!!  The house is about 12 years old and this room is exactly as the builders left it so really it is about time to crack on and sort it out.  Still not sure how I am going to reach the highest points of the walls but I am sure I will find a way, possibly by using a small trampoline.  Along with this project I have painted my parents main bathroom this week.  Again I was told by Dad that he would do it.............however he ended up holding the brushes and roller between uses and only managed to get a small amount of paint on himself.  Not sure what the next room to do there is, but a couple of evenings work and it will be sorted.

The funniest thing I have seen in a while happened last weekend.  It was Dad’s birthday and we had a family lunch, presents, cake and that sort of thing.  One of his gifts was Russian roulette chocolate game consisting of twelve chocolate bullets, one of which was hot chilli flavour.  His face was a picture (actually a few good pictures!) when he sampled it and he has been entered for the national gurning championships.  At his most uncomfortable stage of the tasting he made the late Les Dawson look like Mr Handsome.