Toilet humour, boobs and feline dentistry

Toilet humour, boobs and feline dentistry

Why is it that toilet humour never goes out of fashion with the 5-10 years age group?  As a child carer I am constantly bombarded with the same old rhymes year in and year out which becomes more tedious each time.  The current favourite is ‘Milk, milk, lemonade, round the corner chocolate’s made’.  I had not come across this one until about twelve months ago when it was used in a scene on Coronation Street.  Apparently it is an old favourite.  Not at my school it wasn’t, we were far more refined.  One of the nine year olds I look after added an extra dimension to the end of the ditty......... ‘If you look inside the hole, you will find a mini roll’.  Education these days, cannot fault it.

Actually, thinking about it, toilet humour goes through to adulthood with the male of the species.

For some time now I have been meaning to get measured in the chest department so on the recommendation of various people I headed off to a well known underwear establishment, the name of which sounds more like an Italian coffee brand than a bra shop.  Anyway, I wandered in early on Saturday morning and explained my predicament, i.e. not changed bra size in ages so thought I ought to be measured.

A girl of about 12 (in fact I thought she was on work experience) with the obligatory poker straight long blonde hair, orange spray tan and heavy black make up ushered me into a spacious cubicle and explained that the company does not believe in tape measures but in fact just look at a woman to decide what size garment is needed.  A little unorthodox, but hey I was willing to try it out. 

Over the next twenty minutes I tried on several cumbersome garments which ladies in the olden days probably could have used to carry a stone of potatoes home in.  I specifically said I wanted a totally plain bra, no lacy bits, but three lacy creations appeared.  During my time there I was first sized at 34F for the lacy items and bizarrely at 36DD for plain items.  How does that make any degree of sense?  I did keep saying that the contraption of whatever style felt too tight, but apparently that is how they are supposed to be.  I left the shop with a bag containing two plain bras at a cost of £52.

Today I have revisited the store and returned said items.  I saw a different assistant who seemed a little surprised when I told her I like to be able to breathe in my underwear, but she did refund the items without too much bother...............although I had to give my address details on Saturday “for our records so we can trace you in any of our stores” and instead of number 25 I had been entered onto the database as number 3.  The young chap living at number 3 never struck me as being interested in wearing women’s garments, but one can never be sure who lives in the same street.

My cat had her day out at the vets for dental work, arriving home one root and one tooth less but with clean and shiny teeth that would put Simon Cowell in the shade.  I left the vets £207 lighter in the coffers.  I was advised to only give her a little food that evening as her mouth would be sore and she would still be woozy from the drugs.  After three bowls of chicken and a pile of biscuits I eventually told her she would have to wait until the following day for a refill in her bowl........  She spent most of the evening guarding the kitchen door and at the slightest indication of me moving in the direction of the kitchen she scuttled to the fridge and sat staring at the handle willing it to open!